Reach for the sky, young grasshopper.

I’ve come across a relatively disturbing phenomenon:

Every year movies are getting exponentially better.

I’m not joking. There is real science behind this. Not your mother’s science, either. I’m talking about the truest science out there: pop culture.

For years, we’ve been subjected treated to movies on the following:

  • a ninja discovering his inner strength
  • vigilante cowboys and gunplay in the Old West
  • people running from slow moving zombie hordes
  • a not-so-benevolent alien race laying waste to a large metropolitan area.

Kick-ass!

At least it was, for about 1000 years (Shakespeare to 2004), but eventually the public caught on. Way too much repetition. “You jerks,” we said to the movie producers, “give us something new!”

And so we were blessed with some SRS advances in entertainment:

And were we ever satisfied!

But we’re onto you, movie producers. You can’t churn out that hot garbage forever and expect us to like it. We need something different, something daring.  The people crave new themes the way a zombie craves people that crave new themes.

So…got anything good?


Holy shit.

You know, I think I had a dream about this once after ODing on barbecue sauce. But this is real. Blending! Cowboys and ninjas, aliens and cowboys. This is it, man. You did it, Hollywood.

It took you 13,500 years, but finally, you didn’t rehash old ideas. This time, you combined them. Who cares about story, or suspension of disbelief? We now have mashups of some of the greatest action sub-genres of all time. We’re only a few years away from cinematic Girl Talk. Moviegoers will purchase their tickets and receive a free shot of Ritalin. I embrace this movement with open arms, wandering eyes, and thrusting loins.

Cheers to Hollywood for making this a reality. You’re the best.

coming to a theater near you Summer 2011

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Film and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s