Jersey Shore Power Rankings – Week 7

Sorry for missing out on last week, we drank too much and our butt was bleeding so we were in the hospital. A lot has gone down in the meantime. Ronnie and Sammi are no more HOOOORAAAYYYY!!!! That’s the good news. The bad news is that while their breakup was hilarious and I’m glad it happened, it was also pretty horrifying. Ronnie is clearly destined for some serious domestic violence and we can look forward to seeing his name in the Mitchell Report of Reality TV, right alongside half the cast of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. We haven’t seen that much violence and crying since we found out they weren’t renewing Kid Nation. Before moving on to the most recent episode, let’s take a quick look back at what happened last week.

The return of Ron Ron Juice!!!

“How could you sit there and look me in the face, watch me cry, and lie to my face?”

“Which time?” Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Esquire.

Sammi dropping bombs.

“Be a woman and man up!”

“I can’t concentrate with all this fighting. They’re talking about relationships and my sneakers are dirty!”

“They’re gonna bang like, soon.”

“Sammi’s like a f****** spider monkey climbing on the bed, with a pit bull lock.”

Deena – “You get the front and I’ll get the back.” Snooki – “You would want the back. Oh wait, that’s me.”

“He had camel toe going on with his penis and everything.” Great work by this idiot to sign off on letting himself be humiliated on national television. Also, if there’s one thing we’ve learned from our years and years of trying to pick up dumb chicks on the boardwalk during the day, it’s that they LOVE Jack Daniels.

We will now begin the photo montage of Ronnie going insane. Presented without comment:


That’s all we have to say about that. Now on to the rankings and a picture that I think is funny.

8. Sammi

The witch is dead(for now) but that burp mid-argument was her greatest moment.

7. Ronnie

Some pretty reprehensible actions this week but damn, for a total moron, the kid has a way of turning any argument to make himself look better.

6. Deena

She’s sort of settled into her role as Snooki’s sidekick.

5. Snooki

Ew. I love you tho.

4. The Situation

One of my favorite things about Mike is that he is 100% convinced that he is a genius. As we will see next week, he thinks that he is the perfect fit for any role. Watching him play both sides of the SamRon saga and try to play some sort of therapist for Ron was great.

3. Vinny

Vinny didn’t have too much to do this week, but he’s just so good at everything he does.


I’m really enjoying her relationship with Roger more than I thought I would. You could argue that Drunk JWOWW is the funniest character.

1. DJ Pauly Delvecchio

Without a doubt, consistently the funniest member. He toes the line perfectly between laughing at everyone else (except Vin) and laughing along with them. He’s constantly making jokes at their expense and his own, which is why he seems to be beloved by everyone. He also had what may have been the line of the year as Sammi was about to leave the house for good…


“Cabs are here!”

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