Introducing the LoCLIO Awards: The Best of Local Commercials

Local commercials are, in my opinion, the purest form of marketing. Not only do we get to hear directly from small business people, divorce attorneys and really shady car insurance salesmen, we often get to see their more creative sides at work.

There’s a real lack of recognition in this arena, which is why I have created the LoCLIO Awards, to celebrate these very earnest, sometimes talented, commercial makers. Read on to discover the magic that can happen when a local business reaches out to consumers with nothing more than a handheld camera and a dream. And some good old-fashioned prop comedy.

And the winners in the following categories are…

Most Committed to an Analogy: Bobby Denning Furniture

Congratulations, everyone in this commercial, including the creepy disembodied voice whispering from behind the camera! Your message is very clear: You will destroy high prices, even if it means destroying your own merchandise to get the point across. So if anyone reading this is in North Carolina, head down to Bobby Denning furniture to buy literally anything – as long as it’s legal.

Best Representation of a Normal Couple: Law Offices of J. Michael Gallagher

J. Michael Gallagher’s commercials are so effective that they don’t just get people to hire him for their divorces, they convince people to get divorced in the first place. Pretty amazing, as evidenced by this dramatization of events that are probably happening all over the country – or all over the metropolitan area where this commercial airs.

Cringiest Parody: Vern Fonk Insurance

If you have several hours, I invite you to type “Vern Fonk” into Youtube and take a little journey into the mind of parody-loving madman. This guy operates out of Tacoma, WA, so I’ve driven by his Honk for Fonk sign often. And if your next question is whether his office is nestled between a Hooters and a sex shop, the answer is yes.

Most Honest: EZ Divorce Law

I’m willing to bet that Steve Miller’s staff suggested that he go through some sort of TV prep class where they teach you to blink and inflect, but that he just stared at them, wide-eyed, and said, “Roll tape, you pieces of crap. I’m speaking from the heart.” If I were going through a divorce, I would be conflicted about using this guy. On the one hand, I’m pretty sure he would call me “an illiterate boob” at some point in the process. On the other hand, Divorce Deli does sound like an easy, quick place to deal with complicated legal issues.

P.S. This is the “work of art” website to which he was referring:


Best Use of Both Props and Sexism: Lincoln Auto Insurance

You probably watched this video and thought, first of all, that actress is the next Meryl Streep and how can I contact her to star in my film school project. But you also may have thought that the two slightly different versions of this ad probably air at different times or on different channels. I can assure you, however, that the way this appears on television is exactly the same as above, meaning that this company frequently airs two very bizarre, nearly identical commercials, back-to-back. I call it the “Head On: Apply Directly to the Forehead” school of advertising, and I think we can all agree that in this case, it’s a real home run.

Because the best part of local commercials is that every region has its own gems, please feel free to share your favorites in the comments. Not only do I just love them, but maybe they can help readers in your area who are going through a divorce or need to get car insurance after a vehicular manslaughter conviction.

This entry was posted in People We'd Like To Hang Out With, Television and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Introducing the LoCLIO Awards: The Best of Local Commercials

  1. Melissa Renahan says:

    You left out Mattress Ranch.

  2. outspokenslacktivist says:

    I know, and believe me, I debated it. The main reason was that by the time I watched a bunch of these things, Mattress Ranch seemed TOO good for this list. Like, actually good. For anyone who’s curious, here’s a song you’re about to have stuck in your head all day:

  3. Anonymous says:

    Reading this was the only good thing that happened to me today

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s