Biggest Loser Episode 5: Meat on the Horizon

It’s a great day to be alive, isn’t it? You’re damn right, Biggest Loser Enthusiast. Grab a guilty pleasure snack and let’s jump right into Week 5. Feel free to catch up on previous weeks as needed before jumping into this one.

We start off this week with Sunny (41), winning a Plinko game for a week with Bob away from the gym. Some girls have all the luck. Bob uses the words “support system” to describe her family, so it’s pretty clear Sunny is staying home. Or so we think. We’ll see if she lives up to John’s (40) title of “dumb as poo”.

Biggest Loser or no Biggest Loser, poo will continue to be a much-debated subject here at Hamsterdam.

Back at the raaaaaanch, with only two Blue Team members left, Anna Kournikova challenges the remaining contestants to pick it up. She must have forgotten she’s stuck with  with Bonnie (63), eternal whiner.
And a Team Black update: Antone (44) and Joe (46) take a walk with several cameras in tow. Joe reveals that Jennifer causes conflict in the house. Like, nonstop, cringeworthy conflict. Whaaaaaaaat? Where did this come from? I hereby dub this subplot: GAMECHANGER!
Challenge: Bungee Jungle Orange Soda Drop

Most delicious challenge yet.

Contestants have to bring cups of orange soda through a bungee maze to fill a tall cylinder. Sounds pretty zany if you ask me! Bonnie, of course, steals the show by going uber-slow through the maze exactly once, then falling down and screaming for help. It’s funny – just five episodes through and I think she’s become my least favorite contestant ever. Great job, Bon Bon.

I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

Back in Frisco, Texas, Bob torments Sunny by accompanying her to a Texas BBQ joint, then telling her she can’t eat anything. Sunny gets revenge by bringing Bob to a mechanical bull ride. I’ve got a raging clue that Bob didn’t enjoy that one bit. Checking in on the Black Team in a conference call, Bob gets some unexpected news: Jennifer feels like an outsider on the team. Antone confirms as much with the camera crew – yep, everyone hates her. This is going to be great in another 1-2 weeks.

It's true, Jennifer: nobody likes you. Just in case you don't believe us, here is Dr. H to drop some science on you.

Team Red where you at? Dolvett gets angry at Vinny (27) for joking around too much naming his stomach Cecil, which is a fine American name and if you don’t like it you can GET OUT. Dolvett challenges Vinny in the gym to get serious (life or death), and Vinny accepts. Hope he didn’t choose death. I’m not sure how Cecil felt about the whole thing.

Cecil ain't smiling.

Anna brings the Golden Girls into the pool for a tough Last Chance Workout. Bonnie contests that Anna doesn’t know how to train people, and shows favoritism towards Becky (51). Who wouldn’t? When Anna confronts her, Bonnie shuts down like she’s her own metabolism.

Once again, Bonnie has single-handedly ruined my Anna Kournikova pool fantasies.

Bob takes Sunny out to a farm for a last chance workout, and you know he means business with that cowboy hat on. In 110 degree heat, Bob has Sunny push trucks, move bales of hay, and lift bags of horse feed up flights of stairs. Or as a lot of people call it, “work”. No wonder she was complaining.

Still more effective than Anna's tactics.

At the weigh-in. Sunny redeems herself and drops 14 pounds in one week, easily beating out Blue and Red. Bob says Sunny gave him “everything he needed” this week, which I immediately took to mean something much, much more sexual. Red shares many tears, and then cowboy boots Courtney off after a mini blow-up about “confidence” issues.


Hate to do it, but I’ve got to pull Becky off my list for now – her face is getting a little gaunt. Courtney is beginning to transform into a great Meat candidate, despite being eliminated. She was just over 2 bills during the update, and looking pretty damn good. John’s baby face and trimmer physique have him in play as well. But Bob gets the honorary Meat title with his cute lil’ cowboy hat and flannel shirt ensemble. Spicy.
Shameless Plug of the week: Subway (for breakfast)

Sandwiches: they're not just for 2nd breakfast anymore.

While at home, Sunny takes her petulant, good-for-nothing son to grab breakfast sandwiches, advertised as a healthier alternative to doughnuts 4x a week. I remain skeptical.

Ride into the sunset, cowboy: Courtney (Week 5)

Next week I’m hoping for some big blow-ups, and I’m not just talking about the ladies in my life. Get the popcorn ready, cause shit is definitely going down. Until then, enjoy the field work, because hey, at least you’re losing weight.

This entry was posted in Television, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Biggest Loser Episode 5: Meat on the Horizon

  1. Pingback: Biggest Loser Episode 6: Halloween Hotness (Trick or Meat) |

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s