The Bachelor Power Rankings: Week 2

Finally we get some action!  And I’m not just talking about Blakely.

[Insert here: all of the smutty pictures of Blakely you can find if you Google her. Her last name is Shea.  She was in Maxim.  She worked at Hooters.  Type all of those things into Google.  Or even Bing.]

A quick recap of the week’s highlights:

-Kacie B and Ben have a great first date walking around Sonoma.

-Ben and 12 ladies have a group date where they put on a play for some kids.  The kids supposedly wrote the play, but I have my doubts.  The plot of the play was pretty smutty and had way too many twists and turns.  Blakely comes away with the rose by being a slut.

-Courtney the model and Ben have a date with his dog, Wishbone.

I think Wishbone should replace Chris Harrison

Courtney is approaching WWE villain territory with her trolling of the other girls.

-Everyone cries about Blakely being a slut.  Blakely hides behind some luggage.

-As I predicted last week, we say goodbye to Jenna the blogger.  Jenna, I think I speak for all of us here when I say that you’re welcome to guest blog for us any time.  I was working on a “Top 5 Times I Spent a Cocktail Party Crying Alone” post, but you can field that one.

Best Moment:  Blakely arrived to the group date with her boobs on full display.  A confident young man asked her to “jog in slow motion.”  That kid is going places, folks.

Worst Moment:  Courtney says “winning!”  And she was so proud of it.  Only 11 months after that reference became more worn out than Blakely’s escort service.

Power Rankings [in case you forget how these work, they’re based on an arbitrary combination of my prediction of their chances to win, how entertaining they are, and how much I want to see them jog in slow motion]:

6.  Jamie (Nurse, 25)

Again she didn’t get much airtime, but she hangs on to the 6th spot because I think she is just loaded with potential.  She’s already the clubhouse leader in the “will get a creepy e-mail from nineninety asking her out when she doesn’t win” category.

5.  Blakely (Hooker, 34)

I’d be remiss if I didn’t put her in these rankings after her performance this week.  She earned a rose the old-fashioned way:  wearing nothing and sucking Ben’s face.  She doesn’t seem to have a lot of depth, but if she can manage to wear a swimsuit every week she could be a strong candidate for the fantasy suite.

4.  Lindzi (Business Development Manager, 27)

Didn’t get much time with Ben this week, but it’s clear that he likes her…because he told her so.  She’ll get her one-on-one date soon and will emerge as a true contender.

3.  Nicki (Dental Hygienist, 26)

Also didn’t get much time with Ben, but like Lindzi I think it is clear Ben likes her.  She made a fine donkey in the smutty play.  Why can’t my dental hygienists ever look like this, by the way?  Maybe I’d floss more often if they did.

2.  Courtney (Model, 28)

Hey, did you guys know that she’s a model that lives in Los Angeles? I’m not sure she mentioned that.  She’s lucky she is good looking because she talks like she just got gassed for surgery and is counting backwards from 10 and it puts….me….to…sleep.  She is a great troll though.

1.  Kacie B. (Administrative Assistant, 24)

She seems like a nice girl, despite the baton twirling, with a good sense of humor.  She killed it on the one-on-one. I think the first one-on-one date provides a huge advantage.  It may not be as exciting as some later dates that Ben is going to have, but he’s always going to look back and say “oh yeah, Kacie, I had a great time with her, I need to keep her around.”  She’s golden for several more weeks.
Bold Prediction: Blakely is done.  I think even though Ben is dying to get her in the fantasy suite, he’ll get rid of her because of all the crying she is causing.

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