The Bachelor Power Rankings: Week 4

This week takes us to Park City, Utah.

Park City is the home of some ritzy ski resorts and the Sundance Film Festival.  Most importantly, it is close to the filming locations of Troll 2.

For those of you not familiar, Troll 2 is a 1990 film about a vacationing family attacked by vegetarian goblins who hope to turn them into plants so that they can eat them.  There were no trolls in the film, but the studio named it “Troll 2” to capitalize on the supposed popularity of an earlier film, “Troll.”  It has since become a cult classic and is considered to be one of the “best worst movies” of all time.  Anyway, what was I here to talk about?  Oh right:

-Ben takes Rachel on a one-on-one date.  He describes their date, where they take a helicopter ride to a picnic in a ritzy resort area, as “down to earth.”  Wrong on at least two levels, Ben.  Their conversation on the date was more awkward than elevator small talk, but she still gets a rose.

-Ben and 8 girls go on a group date where they go horseback riding and fishing (with beer!).  Courtney understands that on these group dates you really have find ways to stand out.  And she does so, by catching a fish and groping Ben.  She gets the rose.

-Ben takes Jennifer on a one-on-one where they trespass (?) to jump into a “crater.”  A “crater,” Ben?  A crater is formed when a meteor smashes into the earth and kills the dinosaurs.   You jumped into what is referred to as a “hole in the ground.”  Then they go to a concert by Clay Walker.  I’ve never heard of him, but he attracted a lot more fans than Matt Nathanson did last week.  Rose to Jennifer.

-Courtney’s trolling gets to Emily.  Emily spends the entire episode whining about Courtney and then nearly explodes when she comes home with a rose.  Emily takes her beef to Ben and complains that Courtney is different around him than she is with the other girls.  Well, I’d hope so!  This isn’t a friend-making contest.  Maybe instead of epidemiology, Emily should try getting her PhD in COMMON SENSE.  Do you think he actually cares that Courtney isn’t besties with the girls she is competing with?  He’s looking for a wife, not the person who will be friends with strangers the easiest.

-Courtney hears about Emily’s grudge and goes H.A.M. against her.  It was like Hit em up, it was like Ether, it was like Since You’ve Been Gone.  Emily is hanging on by a thread.

Best Moment:  Samantha says that, though she hasn’t had much one-on-one time with Ben, she is falling for him and feels like she should have a ring on her finger already.  She expresses that to Ben, and he SENDS HER HOME.  Ben is not taking any shit, folks.

Worst Moment:  Courtney said “winning” at least four times.  I don’t care if this episode was filmed when the Charlie Sheen meme was at its peak, enough is enough.  I can live with Courtney trolling the other girls.  I can live with her trolling the female audience watching at home.  But there’s only so much trolling I can take.

Power Rankings:

6.  Blakely (Lady of the night, 34)

She continues her impressive streak of getting a rose every week in which she gets to wear a bikini.

5.  Jennifer (Accountant, 28)

It seems like Ben really likes her.  He told her she’s the best kisser and he threw her into a hole in the ground.  I don’t know if she has what it takes to get to the finish line, but she has to be considered a contender.

4.  Lindzi (Business Development Manager, 27)

Didn’t get a ton of time with Ben this week, except to state her enthusiasm for horses, but they definitely have chemistry.  There’s something about her mouth that I really like.  I don’t mean that in a dirty way, I like watching her talk.  Stop looking at me like that.

3.  Nicki (Dental Hygienist, 26)

Still no one-on-one date, but Ben went out of his way to take her up to a balcony to suck on her face.  She also provides some pretty good running commentary on what is going on each week.  If she ever gets her one-on-one she is ready to take the #1 spot.

2.  Kacie B (Administrative Assistant, 24)

She is definitely one of Ben’s favorites.  She is starting to seem a little too needy though.  Whenever another girl was with Ben she’d get that “the bar is out of wings” look that I know all too well.  I do think she’s in this for the long haul, but she needs to keep her insecurity in check to be able to compete.

1.  Courtney (Model, 28)

Outstanding episode all around by Courtney.  She got lots of attention from Ben and she almost got Emily to self-destruct.  In the same state that brought us Troll 2, Courtney is trolling at an all-time great level.  See? I tied it all together.

Bold Prediction:  Next week they’re going to Puerto Rico, our first locale where the main language spoken is not English.  One of the girls is going to speak Spanish and impress Ben.  One of the other girls is going to say something offensive.

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