Well wisdom teeth, it’s been one hell of a ride. Today, I’ll be put under for an hour or so, have a small woman wedge herself into the headrest of my reclining chair, and lose a ton of face blood.
How can one not look forward to that?
I’m not a person that fears going to a dentist or doctor, probably due to the fact that I haven’t yet had that one, special, traumatic experience. Maybe today’s my lucky day. Who knows. Until I cross that threshold, though, I have nothing but high hopes for my journey to the center of the tooth removal. If anything, oral surgery is one of the truly underrated pastimes.
1. Free drugs
When I say drugs, I mean responsibly administered anesthesia that will given the surgeon time to cut several large holes in my mouth, and when I say free, well, I have to pay for the procedure even with Obama footing 2/3 of the bills. But I still consider it the public school reduced lunch of drug trips on BBQ pork rib sandwich day, thereby making it very worthwhile.
2. Who doesn’t love teeth jokes?
Answer: No one. No one doesn’t love jokes about teeth. Now’s my chance to really clean up. Canines are always a great topic. And I’ve been waiting for just the right time to pull out “Molar? I hardly know her!” Oh yes, pull out. I just did that. Don’t bite the style.
3. Liquid diet
I’ve been anxious to lose a few pounds, and I recently heard that a good way to cut down on calories is to “drink your meals”. It was a weekend I won’t soon forget. But I also figure it would be worth trying with actual food. I needed a good excuse to buy a 10-pack of soup cans since I’m not in grad school anymore. But I won’t limit it simply to savory foods; I just scrawled “entire meal of orange juice, milk, and grape juice” on my bucket list.
4. Indentured Servitude
A heartfelt thanks to my sister for driving me around for this one. I’ve got news for you: I will be drooling on your car seats, and I expect to be fed chicken stock every hour, on the hour.
Big events like this give me a lot of the feely-feelings, and poetry is a great outlet for these moments in life. Also, I will still be very groggy from anesthesia. I’ll be sure to post the results once my motor skills come around.
Who am I kidding? I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing. But like Zachary Quinto, they’re going to have to come out. The important part is just to relax, and have pen and paper ready.