Wisdom Teeth: You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

Well wisdom teeth, it’s been one hell of a ride. Today, I’ll be put under for an hour or so, have a small woman wedge herself into the headrest of my reclining chair, and lose a ton of face blood.

How can one not look forward to that?

Hold still while I gas you.

I’m not a person that fears going to a dentist or doctor, probably due to the fact that I haven’t yet had that one, special, traumatic experience. Maybe today’s my lucky day. Who knows. Until I cross that threshold, though, I have nothing but high hopes for my journey to the center of the tooth removal. If anything, oral surgery is one of the truly underrated pastimes.

 

1. Free drugs

"I call the bag one Nighty.".

When I say drugs, I mean responsibly administered anesthesia that will given the surgeon time to cut several large holes in my mouth, and when I say free, well, I have to pay for the procedure even with Obama footing 2/3 of the bills. But I still consider it the public school reduced lunch of drug trips on BBQ pork rib sandwich day, thereby making it very worthwhile.

 

2. Who doesn’t love teeth jokes?

Or career jokes, for that matter!

Answer: No one. No one doesn’t love jokes about teeth. Now’s my chance to really clean up. Canines are always a great topic. And I’ve been waiting for just the right time to pull out “Molar? I hardly know her!” Oh yes, pull out. I just did that. Don’t bite the style.

 

3. Liquid diet

Thermometers: because when you're on a liquid diet, you can't eat a light bulb.

I’ve been anxious to lose a few pounds, and I recently heard that a good way to cut down on calories is to “drink your meals”. It was a weekend I won’t soon forget. But I also figure it would be worth trying with actual food. I needed a good excuse to buy a 10-pack of soup cans since I’m not in grad school anymore. But I won’t limit it simply to savory foods; I just scrawled “entire meal of orange juice, milk, and grape juice” on my bucket list.

 

4. Indentured Servitude

A heartfelt thanks to my sister for driving me around for this one. I’ve got news for you: I will be drooling on your car seats, and I expect to be fed chicken stock every hour, on the hour.

 

5. Poetry

Oscar Wilde: just full of wisdom teeth.

Big events like this give me a lot of the feely-feelings, and poetry is a great outlet for these moments in life. Also, I will still be very groggy from anesthesia. I’ll be sure to post the results once my motor skills come around.

Who am I kidding? I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing. But like Zachary Quinto, they’re going to have to come out. The important part is just to relax, and have pen and paper ready.

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2 Responses to Wisdom Teeth: You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

  1. Pingback: Wisdom Teeth: An Epilogue |

  2. Nakiya says:

    LOL at “feely-feelings”

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