The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 6

Tonight brings us to Dubrovnik, Croatia

Ricki has gone back to Charlotte, so that means it is time to party.  For Ricki, not for Emily.

-The first one-on-one date is for Travis. They’re going for a stroll around Dubrovnik.  All I could think about was Assassin’s Creed during this.  I assume everyone else watching thought the same thing.  They have a decent time, but there’s no “spark.”  There’s no “there” there.  Emily tells him all of that and sends him home.  It sucks for Travis, but you have to respect Emily not wanting to waste his time if she knew he couldn’t win.

-Next up is a group date for 6 guys.  They are going to see an advance screening of the Disney-Pixar movie Brave.

Hey, that comes out soon, doesn’t it?  How strange that ABC would air this episode of them watching an advance screening of Brave shortly before Brave is coming out?  It’s almost like they are trying really hard to promote this movie?  But wait, there’s more!  The guys now have to compete in the highland games! So they’re in Croatia. Wearing kilts, listening to traditional Scottish bagpipe music and competing in traditional Scottish games.  If you’ll allow me, I’d like to take this opportunity to address the fine folks at ABC:

Hey assholes, stop polluting my enjoyment of the Bachelorette with promoting your goddamn movies.  And if you are going to promote your movies, can you at least make the promotion make sense?  The movie is set in Scotland.  Why not have this week of the show in…SCOTLAND??  Was Scotland sold out this week?  Croatia looks awesome, and you are wasting it on Scotland.  And does this movie really need to be promoted like this?  It’s a Pixar movie.  People are going to go see it.  If you released it with no promotion whatsoever with the title “new Pixar movie” I’m pretty sure it would still make $100 million in the first weekend. You don’t need to hijack an entire week of the Bachelorette to get people to see this movie.  It looks delightful.  Just let us go see it on our own, STOP TRYING TO BRAINWASH US.

-And we’re back at the Highland games.  First is archery.  Next is log tossing. Then tug of war.  Sean dominated all events. But in a Pixar-like twist, Chris won the “bravest” award from Emily for trying his hardest. Chris, you are Wall-E, Nemo, Ratatouille, and the bug from A Bug’s Life all in one.

Afterwards several of the guys do a good job in their individual time with her.  Arie, Sean, and Jef especially.  But Chris gets the rose. It’s a story straight out of Cars 2.

-Ryan gets a one-on-one date next.  The other guys aren’t happy because he is an unapologetic asshole. They’re headed out on a hunt for some oysters.  It turns out Emily doesn’t really like oysters, so great idea for a date Emily. Ryan refers to Emily as a “trophy wife.”  He seems to think it is a compliment, which is funny because he clearly doesn’t know how that term is generally used. Ryan has written down the qualities he’d like to see in his wife:

1. Loyal

2. Logical

3. Faithful

4. Encouraging

5. Nurturing

6. Confident

7. Magnetic

8.  Loves to laugh

9.  Servant (?)

10.  Unselfish

11.  Beautiful

12.  “Loves to catch my eye”

Emily sends him home.

-At the rose ceremony, Emily feints like she is going to send both Doug and Wolf home, but then asks Chris Harrison for an EXTRA rose and keeps both of them.  I’m pretty shocked because both of them seemed pretty superfluous this week.

Best Moment:  When they find out that Ryan is gone, the other guys acted like they just won the Highland games.  They jumped out of their seats, clapped, high fived, and hugged each other.  It was very reminiscent of the Miracle on Ice

USA! USA! USA!

Worst Moment:  After the Ryan news, Arie sneaks over to Emily’s lodging.  This wouldn’t bother me, except he basically did it to talk shit on Ryan some more.  Yeah, Ryan was a jerk.  And she sent him home for it.  No need to tapdance on his grave.  Emily ate it up though, but she and I just have different views on grave dancing.

Power Rankings

6.  John aka “Wolf”

This guy has no shot.  It took him literally playing the dead grandparents card to hang in there this week.  He’s done.

5.  Doug (Realtor, 33)

Doug escaped this week by the skin of his teeth.  I don’t think he has a chance either.  He looked like he felt awkward even putting his arm around Emily.  And it wasn’t the kind of awkward where he was like “oh crap, someone is about to take a picture, do I put my arm around her or not?”  No, it was “oh my god, Emily is physically grabbing my arm and putting it around her.”

4.  Chris (Corporate Sales Director, 25)

Chris had a strong week.  He won the Pixar-sponsored “bravest” award, and Emily really seemed glad that he stepped up to the plate.  He has an outside chance, but he’s going to have to keep up the strong effort to catch up with the top guys.  Sort of like [insert Pixar hero here]

3.  Jef (Entrepreneur 31)

Jef had a good week, I’m dropping him down a spot because I just think the top two had stronger weeks.  Emily definitely really likes him, but he still seems hesitant to make moves.  He can’t just sit back and watch others seize the day.  As rock legends Toto would say, HURRY BOY SHE’S WAITING THERE FOR YOU.

2.  Arie (race car driver, 30)

Arie made sure to improve on last week, where he felt on uncertain ground because of his bad reaction to the whole Kalon mess.  He made sure to capitalize on all of the one-on-one time he got with Emily, and even snuck out to get some more.

1.  Sean (Insurance agent, 28)

Sean dominated the Highland games.  He didn’t get the Pixar award or the date rose for it, but Emily was admittedly impressed.  There were many strong performances this week, but no one did enough to knock Sean off the top just yet.

BOLD PREDICTION:    With so few guys left, you’d think Emily will stop sending so many more guys home than is necessary each week.  But she doesn’t seem to have much patience for guys that she isn’t sure about.  She’ll send an extra guy or two home next week just like she has most weeks.

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