The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 8

Hometown week! Emily comes back to meet the families of the remaining guys.  Will she impressed or discouraged by the size of the houses?  Will she inevitably clash with the guys’ sisters, or will they become BESTIES?

Chris

Chris takes us to Chicago.  Chris is a first generation Polish-American.  His dad came over on the submarine  with the screen door.  He lost several family members to the infamous circular firing squad in Poland during World War II.  I’ll be here all week, folks.

After a dinner of potatoes and vodka with Chris’ heavily accented family, there is a traditional Polish band with some traditional Polish dancing.  This seemed to go well, but well enough?

Jef

Next up is St. George, Utah.  According to wikipedia, St. George is the hub of an area known as “Utah’s Dixie.”  It bears that moniker because it was where Mormon pioneers decided to mass-produce cotton.  Presumably there’s also a Mormon Dollywood there too.

They jump into a vehicle that resembles a DUNE BUGGY (caps means I’m excited) and then go skeet shooting to test her West Virginia bona fides.

Jef’s parents are off doing “charity work,” so instead Emily has to meet his 40 siblings and their spouses and children. She wanted to have one-on-one time with all of them, but that would have taken weeks.  There’s a lot of talk about “goals” and “values” and “principles,”  so I think that is code for “we want you to like our religion.”  Religion is always a testy issue on ABC reality dating shows.

Jef takes Emily up to a part of the ranch overlooking a picturesque sunset over the valley and proclaims his love for her and how he wants to be a dad to Ricki and Emily fell head over heels for him.

Arie

On to Scottsdale, Arizona.  I’ve never been to Scottsdale, but I think the only reason it exists is to pack as many golf courses into one city as possible.

Arie impresses her with his race car driving, and according to Emily he looks “stupid hot” in his racing suit.

Arie’s family and Arie talk around Emily in Dutch.  It’s pretty awkward.  Emily has a few awkward conversations with the Dutch.  It didn’t go poorly, but it definitely wasn’t great.  It could have used traditional dancing like Chris set up.

Sean

Sean resides in Dallas, Texas.  He greets Emily with his dogs, which is such an underutilized move on these shows.  Dogs not only lighten the mood, but they are great judges of character/bacon.

Emily is a little intimidated by Sean’s “perfect” family.  But then Sean reveals that he still lives with his parents at their perfect home. Emily is mortified.  Then Sean says “NOT!” and reveals that he was joking.  Sean just went from shooting himself in the foot to back on top in the span of 30 seconds.  Sean then pulls the total baller move of chasing down Emily’s car for one more kiss.

The Aftermath

Chris goes home at the rose ceremony, and doesn’t take it well.

“HOW MUCH FASTER COULD IT MOVE?  I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU….I’M TEN TIMES THE MAN THOSE OTHER GUYS ARE”

Best Moment:  Jef’s dune buggy.

Worst Moment:  Chris’ sister basically begged Emily to let Chris down easy.  She didn’t say much about how they should actually be together, just “hey, I know you aren’t going to pick my idiot brother, so let him down easy, ok?”  What a disservice to sisters, and Poles, everywhere.

Power Rankings:

3.  Arie (30, Race car driver)

I don’t think Arie is doing anything wrong, I think she just likes Jef and Sean more at the moment.  He is still a contender, but he can’t have any slip-ups.

2.  Jef (Entrepreneur, 31)

Jef dominated his date.  His family seemed a little hesitant, but not enough to bother Emily.  He brought out dune buggies and rifles.  And he read her a romantic letter on a mountain.  If it wasn’t for Sean I think he’d be in the top spot by several lengths.

1.  Sean (Insurance agent, 28)

When Sean showed Emily “his” room, with its cookies and stuffed animals, I was ready to write his obituary.  Of course it turned out to be a delightfully charming prank.  Emily is definitely head over heels for him.  I don’t think he is far enough ahead that Jef or Arie couldn’t mount a comeback, but right now it’s still his race to lose.

BOLD PREDICTION:    By my calculation, next week should be “fantasy suite” week, but I’m not sure if Emily will hand out those cards.  I think she’ll deprive us of amazing joke and speculation fodder and use some BS excuse like the fact that Ricki is there as a reason not to have a fantasy suite.