Republican National Convention Drinking Game

Can you guys believe that the presidential election technically starts this week? Doesn’t it feel like it has been going on forever? And there are still months more of this? Does anyone else need a drink?

Well, you’re in luck. Just use the rules below for an RNC drinking game that will make the experience more enjoyable…then more emotional…then more drunk dialey…and finally more self-loathingy. Get ready, because with the help of our nation’s leaders, this week is going to be a bender.

What to Drink:

For the gentlemen, I suggest a fine scotch or a barrel-aged bourbon. For the women, a dry martini with bleu cheese-stuffed olives or a Châteauneuf-du-Pape. And please, men and women, don’t drink each others’ beverages. Gender roles are one of the things that make this country great.

“Oh, hello, dear. I’ve been slowly poisoning your dinner because it’s the only way I believe I can free myself from this loveless marriage.”

Take a sip every time…

  • Someone references their humble upbringing
  • Someone mentions the profession of their parents
  • They cut away to one of the ten token women at the convention (not including Ann…they’ll show her every four seconds and you could actually die)
  • Someone uses the term “Obamacare”
  • Someone says “Back to Basics”
  • Mitt Romney attempts to sound folksy

Chug the full drink every time…

  • Something signed under Bush (TARP, Patriot Act, Medicare Part D) is subtly blamed on Obama
  • America is referred to as a “Christian nation”
  • Boehner cries
  • Someone says “Over 50% of Americans don’t pay any taxes”
  • They cut away to one of the three token black guys in the room
  • The Midwest is referenced as “real America.”
  • Donald Trump shows up (via video or in-person) and says something insane.

Good luck! If played correctly, by the end of the week we should all look like this…

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