Week 3. Only a few more filler girls to get rid of this week and we’ll be down to only girls we’ve gotten to know and/or girls with the best bodies. Still in Los Angeles!
-Lesley M. gets the first one-on-one and they head to Hollywood to visit the Guinness Book of World Records museum. Okay? You can tell early on that Lesley is bored out of her mind. Fun fact: Sean’s dad is actually in the museum!
Sean tells Lesley it is time to try to set a record of their own……longest on-screen kiss. I don’t know how official this is because I think I hold that record, if closed-circuit cameras watching you while you drunkenly wait for your microwaving burrito at 7-11 after 3 am qualifies. So I don’t know how real this “record” they’re attempting is. They have to keep their lips locked for three minutes and 15 seconds. About 14 seconds in, Lesley starts laughing. At one minute in, Chris Harrison is so bored he starts conducting interviews with bystanders. At one minute 30 seconds, Sean grabs her ass. At two minutes another couple starts making out in the crowd. They get the record and they both have to be in need of some Gatorade and/or mouthwash.
Afterwards they have cocktails and talk about life. Lesley LOVED junior high and high school. She describes herself as a nerd. So she grew up as a nerd, but hates them now? Who do you really hate, Lesley? Maybe the person you hate is Lesley. They make out some more in private and Lesley gets the rose. Sean seems like he is smitten.
-Next up is a group date. Sean and 12 girls head to the beach. They’re frolicking around and having a good time and this seems like a great date in my book.
But then Captain Buzzkill (aka Chris Harrison) shows up and tells them that a 6 on 6 beach volleyball game is going to determine who gets more time with Sean. The game turns into a defensive struggle. And by that I mean both of these teams suck at volleyball. Not even ABC’s editing with intense music can make this look good. The blue team wins the war of attrition, Kristy (who has quickly become one of the most annoying girls in the house) and Leslie break down and cry at the loss. THERE’S NO CRYING IN VOLLEYBALL. Seems like an overreaction, but with so many girls left in the house you need every second you can get to stand out or you’re getting sent to play volleyball at home. So Kacie, Des, Robyn, Lindsay, Amanda, Jackie get some extra time. Lindsay and Des make out with him. Lindsay gets the rose
-Prior to the next date, Tierra falls down the steps. Paramedics arrive and are worried she has a concussion. The other girls think she is milking this for attention, and they’re probably right because when Sean shows up for his date she sends all of the paramedics away and cuddles with Sean. The fake injury gambit is a risky maneuver, but sometimes it pays off. Seriously, try it sometime.
-After Sean is convinced that Tierra isn’t dying, the date begins with AshLee, who capitalizes her name all wrong. They head to Six Flags where they ostensibly have the park all to themselves. They’re going to have company, though. Two Make-a-Wish teens who have corresponded for years but never met are going to be joining them and meeting for the very first time. This was really awesome to witness. But holy hell, what kind of first date is this? It was really touching to see these two kids meet each other and have fun at the amusement park, but I feel like it has to be tough to form a romantic bond when you’re also trying to foster this great moment for two kids. There is a surprise private concert by the Eli Young Band, and the kids are still there for that too. “I’ve never been to a concert before,” says one girl. “This is the best day of my life,” says the other. Again, that is great to hear that they gave these kids a once in a lifetime experience. Does this help AshLee, though? The first one-on-one date was asking Sean to make-out with Lesley for 3.5 minutes, and this date is asking him and AshLee to chaperon kids in an amusement park. Not exactly a level playing field. How do you form a romantic bond when you’re busy feeling touched? Wait, I phrased that wrong. Sean was trying to get romance going with two teenage girls around. There, that’s better. Am I being too cynical?
Sean and AshLee get some one-on-one time together, and AshLee opens up to him about being adopted. She tells him her rough history in foster homes and what it was like to finally find a family. She gets the rose. Tough to evaluate this date because they opened up to each other emotionally in many ways, but did anything move the romance needle? [Not a dong joke] Was there any chemistry?
-On to the cocktail party! Sean pulls Sarah aside and brings out her dog! I’ve never seen a more boss move in my life. I mean “boss” in the Rock Ross sense, which is more like bawse. At the rose ceremony, Sean pulls Kacie aside and sends her home. He did that to be nice, but doesn’t that mean she doesn’t get to say goodbye to girls she may have become friends with? Roses go to Tierra, Leslie, Catherine, Daniella, Robin, Selma, Sarah, Jackie, Amanda, Desiree, in addition to Lesley, Lindsay, and AshLee. Kacie, Taryn, and Kristy are sent packing.
-No additions to our running “right reasons” and “princess” counters, so we are at 2 and 1, respectively.
Best Moment: Kacie senses some minor tension developing between Des and Amanda, so she runs to Sean to tell him about the life-threatening drama in the house, hoping to discredit them. Sean is completely not phased. Kacie’s plan falls apart like a house of cards. A crazy, southern house of cards. Sean says “I want you to act like Kacie, not like this crazy person that I’m seeing.” BAWSE.
Worst Moment: The drama over who “steals” Sean at the cocktail party. This happens every year. Everyone wants one-on-one time with Sean, and everyone gets pissed off that mathematically they can’t have more than a few minutes. Des steals Sean from Tierra, then Tierra steals him back, but then Lesley is mad about that so she steals him, then Robin steals him from her, then Leslie steals him, then Kristy borrows him, then Taryn swoops in, then Kacie drops in from out of no where, but then before you know it AshLee and Selma drop in. Stop crying and just get a stopwatch you morons.
6. AshLee (Personal Organizer, 32)
AshLee is kind of here by default because no one else stood out this week and she got a one-on-one. Like I said above, between the sick kids and the adoption abuse stories I don’t know if there was a ton of chemistry on that date. But Sean knows literally all there is to know about her, so that has to put her ahead of some of the other girls, right?
5. Lindsay (Substitute teacher, 25)
I think Lindsay is just adorable, and I think she has some chemistry with Sean. They didn’t talk long alone before making out hard. She also likes getting really drunk, which is only going to bring good things.
4. Tierra (Weird forehead, 24)
Tierra is really gunning hard for the title of craziest in the house. First she embellishes her injury like it’s an online girlfriend. Then she gets really clingy during the whole “let me steal Sean for a second” circus. Sean is attracted to her, but how long can she keep the crazy under the surface?
3. Sarah (Pirate, 26)
Sarah got practically no screen time this week, so she’ll fall in the rankings if that doesn’t change soon. But the whole dog thing proves that Sean really likes her. She doesn’t seem too unstable yet either.
2. Desiree (Bridal stylist, 26)
Sean and Des still have great chemistry and I think she is in this for the long haul. Some chinks in the armor appeared, though. She got a little crazy and teary during the “let me steal him” saga. There are always some girls on this show that appear normal but their inner crazy appears. Desiree could be a sleeper candidate to be one of those girls. Or maybe she was just having a bad night, we’ll see.
1. Lesley (Self-hating nerd, 25)
They had a great date and Sean seems like he is more intimidated by her than vice versa. She can’t make the classic mistake of being content with some good early dates, though.
BOLD PREDICTION: Things are getting heated in the house. No one likes Tierra, some of the other girls don’t like each other, and everyone is stealing Sean for too many minutes. I think all of the built up tension will come to a head and we get a legitimate physical altercation sometime in the near future. These girls are about to be terrible role models for the next round of crippled kids that come in.