The Bachelor Recap and Power Rankings: Week 8

We’re in Thailand!

thailand

Si Kao, Thailand to be exact.

Sean gives a quick recap of his romance with the remaining ladies.  An even quicker recap of that recap by me:

On Catherine: “She’s hot and nerdy and I’m nerdy too!”  Sure you are bruh.

On AshLee:  “We’re looking for the same thing.  She’s super strong.”

On Lindsay:  “Our relationship began as a spark that has turned into a wildfire, displacing loneliness from its home and destroying the habitat of heartbreak and killing a few drifters that were too drunk to wake up until they’d inhaled a fatal amount of smoke.”

Tonight is the infamous FANTASY SUITE night.  Sean seems to be going out of his way to emphasize that the fantasy suite is about just spending time together with no distractions, no cameras, so they can open up to each other.  I think he is trying to be diplomatic and gentlemanly about it, so we’ll see how this goes.

Lindsay

Lindsay is up first and they head to the Si Kao market.  After the first few weeks we had ZERO “just walking around and laughing” dates, and now we are finally catching up.  They walk around and laugh and check out Thai food.  But not the kind of Thai food you get delivered by a hard-up college student after you get banned from all the other late night food places.  REAL Thai food…..including BUGS.

You crazy Joe Rogan (Sean)

You crazy Joe Rogan (Sean)

Look, if you’re nervous about eating a bug, just remember that it’s just like lobster except completely raw and on land and God only knows where it’s been.  They both eat the bugs, and then go bug-to-mouth and make out.  Gross.  Then they go to Monkey Beach, which is aptly named because there are monkeys all over the place.

apes beach

They feed the monkeys grapes.  “Oh, so the monkeys get grapes, and I get bugs?”- What Lindsay shoulda said.  They go in the water and POWER make out as the sun sets.

Later they go to dinner in front of a buncha flashing lights. Lindsay wants to express her feelings, but she hesitates and stutters and then gets interupted by some traditional dancers and a band.  But she gets the FANTASY SUITE invite.  And on the bed next to the champagne and the strawberries she tells Sean that she loves him.  I’m sure they’re going to have a great conversation!

Verdict: That went well.  Lindsay giggled a lot when she was trying to say “I love you,” which doesn’t help her case that she is serious and not too goofy, but I don’t think it bugged Sean.  Get it?  Bugged!

AshLee

AshLee is next.  They head out on a boat and cruise around the incredible landscape.  The scenery was amazing and I’m sure TV doesn’t do it justice.  It looked even more romantic than Naboo (that’s right, I said it, up yours Lesley). Sean drops the bomb that they have their own private beach, but to get there they have to swim through a cave.  And, much like in Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, they are going to learn a few things (that’s right, I said it, up yours Lesley).  AshLee is scared, because she’s afraid of being abandoned and not being in control.  Sean could have just destroyed her with a well-placed joke about sharks, but he passed up the opportunity.  They get a little lost, and AshLee says that getting lost in a dank cave is a lot like falling in love.

That's right, a Star Trek image.  Suck it, Lesley.

That’s right, a Star Trek image. Suck it, Lesley.

They find the private beach and make out.  Later, they somehow escape the private beach and are now on a different beach having dinner.  AshLee gets the FANTASY SUITE invite, and Sean emphasizes that they can “stay up all night talking.”   “Obviously I as well agree” says AshLee.  She seemed pretty awkward about the idea of the fantasy suite, but she accepts the invite.

Verdict:    I didn’t get a great vibe from that.  First of all it seemed like they showed far less of that date than they did Lindsay’s.  And secondly, while her sentiment about the fantasy suite may have been admirable, I think it came across awkwardly.

Catherine

Last but not least we have Catherine. they jump on a boat and go around the nice scenery.  Catherine, like Lindsay, says “Hey I know I seem goofy but I’m serious!”  Sean seems a little worried about what her sisters told him, so he asks if she’d be still excited about it when they’re in Dallas and the cameras are gone.  Catherine basically says that her sisters don’t know shit about her, but Sean seems placated.  They back-flip off of the boat.  Seriously, they back-flipped.  That was impressive.  They go snorkeling but then a storm hits so they get back on the boat and make out.  It looked like the cover of a trashy romance novel

See?

See?

“Snorkeling in a storm is like falling in love”, nah just kidding no one said that.  They go to dinner and Sean is talking about how much he cares about Catherine, things are sounding serious.  Catherine delivers a 10 minute long monologue about being nervous about her traditional values and the fantasy suite.  Sean again gives the line about the fantasy suite just being about alone time.  So she gets the FANTASY SUITE invite and says yes.  She didn’t so much say yes as she giggled yes.

Verdict:  That went very well. Sean has a tough decision but it’s tough to see Catherine getting the boot after that.

-The next morning, Sean has decided that he has a stronger relationship with two of the women so his mind is made up over who he wants to send home.  The three girls recorded videos for Sean. AshLee cries during hers, that’s totally normal!

In what is officially the final rose ceremony, Lindsay and Catherine get roses, AshLee gets the boot. AshLee storms out angrily.  She gives Sean the chance to explain himself but she stares at him emotionless and then jumps in the car without so much as a hug or a handshake.  I was expecting an epic meltdown.  I feel ripped off.  “This wasn’t about a silly game to me.  This wasn’t about a joyride and laughter and having fun.” -AshLee.  Uhhhhhhhhhhh, ok?  I think that means she didn’t think very highly of Catherine and/or Lindsay.  Or she doesn’t think highly of fun.  After the burning hatred subsides, the sadness comes and AshLee breaks down in the car.

That was tough, she does seem like a good person.  I give her credit for walking out without having a lengthy goodbye.  She didn’t need to hear “you’re great, but…” from Sean.  AshLee opened up to Sean and made herself vulnerable about her past, but that can only get you so far.  I hope she gets some therapy and lands on her feet.  I mean that both as an insult and not as an insult.  All I know is that wherever she is, she is blasting some Taylor Swift right about now.

Best Moment:  Catherine says in her video that Sean gives her “the wiggles.”  I’ve never heard that term before but I found it enjoyable.  Especially before it made me think of the pervo children’s music group.

Worst Moment:  “You’re so beefy and hunky!”- Catherine telling Sean about why she likes him.  At least she’s honest.

-No power rankings this week.  I need to mull this over.  These girls are very similar.  They both have great chemistry with Sean, and they both seem to appeal to his goofy/nerdy side in addition to his “likes hot girls” side.  I’ll make my pick after THE GIRLS TELL ALL next week.

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