There are 13 guys left, and our first stop on a journey around the world? Atlantic City New Jersey!
Nothing says romance, fantasy, ecstasy, world travel, and beautiful quite like Atlantic City, New Jersey. It’s obvious what has happened here: New Jersey paid them a ton of money to come here to promote the state’s tourism post-Hurricane Sandy. And we’re going to hear a ton about how resilient New Jersey has been since Sandy! And how wonderful New Jersey is! Look, Atlantic City is a fun place. But on a show where they are supposed to be living out fairy tale romances, New Jersey shouldn’t be in the equation.
-Brad gets the first one-on-one date.
They take a walk on the boardwalk and go on the amusement park rides, which has to be super fun in the cold weather.
They have a picnic on the beach in a huge sandcastle. Once again, this REALLY seems like a great idea for a cold weather date! I, for one, love getting sand in all of the pockets and crevices of my winter jacket.
Brad says that what he’s looking for in a girl is someone who will be a good mom to his son. That seems like it freaks Des out. She gives the whole “he’s a great guy, but…” to the camera and you know this one is over. Brad is awkward and they don’t have much of a conversation. His kid’s name is Maddox. Did I already make fun of that? That kid really does need a mom to prevent the kind of horrible parenting judgment that would lead to a name like that.
The mom to prevent terrible names will NOT be Des, though. Des decides not to give Brad a rose and gives him the boot. He doesn’t seem too upset about it, I think he knew this one was going no where.
-Next is a group date for Des and 11 guys.
They head to the birthplace of the Miss America pageant and find out they’re going to be competing in their own pageant! Pageant is a difficult word for me to spell.
Michael G is REALLY excited, he says he always dreamed of being in a pageant. Michael, I’m not sure you’re on the right show, man.
Miss South Carolina and Miss Utah would be embarrassed by some of the answers to the question and answer segment.
The talent portion seemed pretty funny. The guys split into two groups basically- one group of guys used it to goof off and try to make Des laugh, and one group of guys took it really seriously.
Kasey ends up winning the talent, after a comedy tap-dancing routine. He doesn’t get a rose though, so you have to wonder if it was at all worth it.
They have a pool party afterwards, and the guys decide to pull out all the stops yet again. Chris reads her a poem that he wrote. I flinched, ready for him to send him straight home, but instead she makes out with him! Ben gets her in the pool. Zak plays a wrong he wrote for her.
Zak gets the rose. Michael G freaks out for the 1,000th time that Ben is alone with Des. There’s a catfight brewing!
-James gets a one-on-one date. It’s a helicopter date! This is the first one this season I think?
Oh boy, it’s an American Red Cross helicopter. You never want to hear that. Their date is to see the devastation wrought by Hurricane Sandy. This is the part of the date paid for by Chris Christie.
So let’s get this straight: James gets a helicopter date. But it’s in New Jersey. And the focus of it isn’t romance or adventure- it is to show the destruction of a natural disaster. Hey, after this, why don’t we helicopter over to where they put down sick cats? Then let’s take a walking tour to visit the sites of famous Atlantic City murders and rapes! Would that be romantic, Des? What the hell kind of date is this? Hurricane Sandy was awful and the damage is tragic, but what does that have to do with this show?
After the depressing chopper ride, they meet a couple whose house was destroyed on the night of their anniversary. Rather than have a romantic evening in Atlantic City with James, Des offers it to this couple. That was really nice. Maybe ABC could have done it privately instead of torpedoing this TV show, though. We end up getting more coverage of the old couple’s date than James and Des’ date. I’m not recapping it, that’s not what I get paid for. Am I a heartless jerk? Probably. It’s a nice thing they did for those people, but I didn’t need it taking up 30 minutes of my Monday night.
James and Des go to a cheap restaurant instead of their fancy dinner. Des points out that money isn’t important because you can lose possessions very easily, the relationship underneath is what’s important. That’s definitely true, and something that gets lost in this show when they go on all of those fancy, unrealistic helicopter dates. But you could have made the point without depressing us by showing us a devastated landscape and a family that lost everything first!!
James interrupts her to kiss her. She continues talking after the kiss. Not good timing, James. Then there was an awkward moment when James decides to confess to Des that he cheated on his girlfriend in college. Meh. Cheating isn’t a good thing, but he was like 18 when it happened. People grow up, people change. Des seems extremely uncomfortable at first but then says that she appreciates his honesty.
James gets the rose, and he earned it for enduring that date.
-At the rose ceremony, Zach is sent home. We barely saw Zach this season so everyone just basically shrugged.
Running “Cinderella/princess” count: 4
Running “right reasons” count: 15
Best Moment: When she is about the reject Brad, Des says “I want a love that will light up the darkness.” That sounds like a quote from a superhero movie, not a love story. I can hear Christian Bale saying that in the Batman voice while he’s perched on top of a building overlooking a rainy Gotham City evening. It also made me think that Des must be a follower of the Lord of Light. For the night is dark and full of terrors
YOU WASTED HOOTIE ON THE OLD PEOPLE! Look at his face. He’s thinking, “wait? That’s the Bachelorette? What kind of show is this? Why am I here? I’m famous enough that I shouldn’t have to stoop to this. I thought my solo career was going well, but now I’m here in New Jersey singing to 60 year olds. I should fire my agent. Yeah, tomorrow she is definitely getting fired.”
6. Bryden (Insecure, 26)
Not a good week for Bryden. He gave Des a whole spiel about how his “feelings are lagging behind where they should be.” It has to be tough to be in a situation where you’re trying to forge a connection with a girl at the same time that 20 other guys are. But you know who has been in this situation before? DES. She knows what you’re going through. Stop being so needy. In fact, just stop talking. Every time you open your mouth you hurt your stock.
5. Zak (The Situation, 31)
Des was trying SO hard not to laugh when Zak decided to serenade her with the song that he wrote. But he got a rose out of it. So she either liked it or she felt sorry for him.
4. James (Looks like he’s from New Jersey but he isn’t I guess, 27)
Big Game James was dealt a tough hand this week with a date that was absolutely devoid of fun or romance. He rolled with it and Des probably appreciated that. He probably could have done a LITTLE better by not kissing her when she is mid-rant or not bringing up the cheating thing at a weird moment. I had James pegged as a top contender after last week, but after this date I’m not sure.
3. Brooks (Really likes striped shirts. Seriously, he has a bunch, just pay attention and you’ll see. Where do you even buy those? I’m asking for a friend. 28)
Rather than try to sing a serious love song like Zak, Brooks made up a goofy limerick and played the ukulele. Brooks seems like Des’ type, he’s goofy with a sensitive side.
2. Ben (Bar owner, 28)
I have no clue how Des feels about Ben, but I love the fact that the other guys despise him. I feed off of their hatred.
1. Chris (
Friend zone Mortgage Broker, 27)
Chris is like a better version of Brooks at the moment. He has the good sense of humor and goofiness that she’s looking for, but they seem like they have a lot of physical chemistry too. He’ll need to show a killer instinct to fight off the guys that are going to try to step on his throat literally and figuratively.
BOLD PREDICTION: In the previews for next week it looked like we’re taking a trip to Germany or Austria or one of those countries, I wasn’t paying much attention. Des will take some lucky guy on a romantic tour of World War II prisoner of war camps and mass graves.