Hometown week! The guys get to have home court advantage for once. I’m pulling double duty tonight and watching the home run derby, so apologies in advance for baseball puns.
-Dallas is our first stop to visit Zak’s family.
They meet in a park. Zak describes a dream where he is laying on a beach with Des, and the sun melts them into skeletons, and then they’re attacked by ice monsters and kids. Dr. Freud’s corpse just had an aneurysm.
Zak drives up in a snow cone truck and says Des is joining the family business today. Des is thinking “so when you said your family operated a trendy food truck, this is what you meant, huh?”
Zak decides to transition to the family part of the date by running, screaming at the crowd of kids that gathered while dressed as a horrifying, crazed penguin.
I have no words.
Then it’s off to meet Zak’s mom, dad, brother, and sister. Zak tells the story of his shirtless entrance on the first day, and they are amazed that he is still in this competition. I am too, frankly. He’s come a long way. Baby.
Zak’s family seems pretty normal and Des gets along with them very well. The night ends with Zak’s family singing a song to Des. Unfortunately it was “Accidental Racist.”
Zak takes her aside and pulls out a ring he bought for her when they were in Atlantic City. That was so long ago, and he’s had it with him the whole time! He didn’t even drop it when they went sledding down that giant mountain! He tells her he loves her, and Des is eating out of his hand. BOSS MOVE
Drew is from Scottsdale Arizona.
It seems like a piece of shit yuppie bland suburb that shouldn’t even exist because it is wasting so much water and resources that are extremely limited. [I don’t like Drew.]
Drew has approximately 40 family members meeting Des, and most of them are named “Mal” (Mel?) and they are all married to each other, it was very confusing. They pick up Drew’s sister, Melissa, first. Melissa is mentally disabled.
Drew and his dad are wearing matching pink shirts! Dad goes for the heart strings when he’s talking to Des by asking her if she believes in angels. Des says yes, and he says that he met one in Melissa. Des seems like she fits in perfectly with Drew’s family. Drew is in great shape in this competition.
To quote Chris Berman, “BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK GONE!”
Chris is from McMinnville, Oregon. Chris takes her to the baseball field where he first got his start. Chris, if baseball is so important to you, why would you schedule your hometown date on the same night as the home run derby?
They take batting practice and Des doesn’t have a bad swing. She showed that she could take the ball the other way. If you catch my drift.
She goes to meet Chris’ family. Des mentions that she threw out her back, but lucky day- Chris’ dad is a chiropractor! It was pretty awkward. Then I flipped over to the derby on ESPN and it was similarly awkward:
Then he does it to Chris too. Pseudoscience is a family tradition I guess.
Chris’ family seems a little more subdued than Zak and Drew’s, but they approve of Des, give their blessing, and cry tears of joy. I think this went well, but if I had to rank it against the others I have to put it last.
Salt Lake City. Why are there so many westerners that make it to hometown week?
They canoe in a lake, then head over to Brooks’ “big family.” Get it? Utah!
Brooks’ huge family wears name tags, I think that was awesome. Brooks basically says that his mom has full veto power, and she is entirely on #TeamDes after talking with her. Des talked with Mama Brooks about Brooks being a dad! That went very well too, she looked at home there.
Rose Ceremony: Zak gets the boot. Tough to see Zak go down. He started off the season with the biggest douche move of anyone, but through the season he ended up seeming like one of the more normal guys there. There wasn’t an easy choice. Zak looks beaten up, but he doesn’t look totally shocked. Then he throws the ring out the window of the limo! Come on man, you could have pawned that.
Best Moment: I haven’t been a big fan of Drew, but seeing him light up with his disabled sister was a nice humanizing moment for him. He gave her such a warm greeting:
Worst Moment: Des brings in her brother, Nate, to discuss things. Nate, for those of you who didn’t watch Sean’s season, was really tough on Sean during Desiree’s hometown date and she got sent home at the ensuing rose ceremony. So they tease Nate sneaking up on the guys to confront them, but then he doesn’t? Did I miss something? That was a whole lot of teasing for not a lot of action. Just like most of these dates, am I right??
3. Chris (Not a professional baseball player, 28)
I’ve been a big fan of Chris since day 1, but he seems to be fading late. He and Des have a good relationship, but it seems like he isn’t breaking through to the next level like the other guys. Sort of like how he never broke through to the next level in his baseball career.
2. Brooks (Bad at canoeing, 28)
Brooks stood up in a canoe, but other than that he had a great hometown week. When you watch him and Des together you can see the good vibes. I think he’s definitely a cut above Chris at this point and isn’t far out of first.
1. Drew (So many pink shirts, 27)
I don’t think he’s far ahead of Brooks, but he is definitely in the top spot. Des got along with his family probably the best of any of them. And she’s definitely head over heels for him.
BOLD PREDICTION: Next week the guys tell all. For once this should actually be interesting because we will get to see James vs. Michael, Ben vs. Michael….basically everyone vs. Michael. My prediction is that James will cry and beg to become the next Bachelor.