The Bachelor is finally heading on the road this week, as Juan Pablo is ditching Camila and making off to South Korea with his 13 suitors instead.
Chris Harrison boils South Korea down to- “the home of K-pop and Gangnam Style.” An entire culture that is thousands of years old, stripped down to an addictive pop song from 2012. I’d like to be angry about this, but there is no chance that any of them know anything else about Korea than Gangham Style. I have a hat right next to me and I will literally EAT MY HAT if any of them show any kind of knowledge of Korea beyond Gangnam Style. Stay tuned.
-The first date is Juan Pablo and 6 ladies are hitting the town to dive deep into Korean culture and…K-Pop. This date is revolving around K-Pop.
They are meeting up with Korean super group 2NE1. The ladies have to show off their moves for Juan Pablo. Some of the girls are good dancers, some are not so good..
but they’re all good sports about it. Naturally, they find out that they aren’t just learning to dance, but will be dancing with 2NE1 at a concert.
“Literally my dream when I was young was being Britney Spears’ back-up dancer.” Way to set those sights HIGH, Chelsie. Despite my earlier criticisms, the concert looked pretty fun.
At dinner afterwards, Kat talks about her dad’s alcoholism and how it made her closer with her mom. Juan Pablo, clearly drunk, tries to react calmly.
Juan Pablo is DRUNK, folks. His eyes are glassy, he is slurring his speech, his face is a little sweaty. Will any of the girls notice this? No, holy shit, they don’t notice, they are all pouring their hearts out to him and he is not going to remember any of this. This may have been the most realistic date yet- awkward dancing, cattiness, one person getting a little too drunk.
Nikki gets the rose, which causes a firestorm back in the girl circle, where Nikki’s supposed negativity is frowned upon. Where I come from (America), I think they’d say that THERE’S A FEUD A’BREWIN’.
-Next up, Sharleen gets a one on one. It’s a walking around date! They walk around the street markets of Seoul, then head to a tea house and garden. Sharleen tries to compliment Juan Pablo by calling him “not bland” and “surprisingly curious.” Next she’ll say “he’s less dumb than I thought.”
Juan Pablo asks her to sing for him, she’s very reluctant because apparently she doesn’t sing guys on the first date. Juan Pablo parlays it into a heavy makeout session. Things get a little awkward when Juan Pablo brings up kids, because Sharleen says she isn’t one of those girls who has planned out how many kids she wants. Juan Pablo appreciates the honesty and gives her the rose. They don’t seem to have much in common, but Juan Pablo seems enamored with her nonetheless. Relationships have been formed based on less.
-Finally we get another WALKING AROUND date with JP and 6 women. I need to try one of these. There are guys I see walking around my neighborhood with 6 women and talking about dates, but I’m pretty sure that is something else entirely. They get a fish pedicure? What in the actual fuck?
They head back out into the street and try exotic foods, including octopus. Clare is freaking out about octopus. Fish just ate skin off your feet and you’re worried about a bite of octopus?
At the party afterwards he refuses to kiss a few girls because he doesn’t want to set a bad example for his daughter. Huh? You’ve already made out with several girls, will another few really push Camila over the edge? Lauren has a meltdown over his refusal to kiss her. Then he makes out with Clare. Mixed signals, bro. Andi gets the rose.
-At the cocktail party, we get the first drama over who is hogging Juan Pablo. Nikki already had a rose but she wants some one-on-one time, which rubs all the other girls the wrong way in what is always a pointless source of contention. Clare throws Nikki the allegation that at least one person gets every year- “you are one way in the house, and one way with Juan Pablo.” As always, my response to that is- DUH! Do you expect someone to act the same with the dude they want to fall in love with as they act with the girls who are the competition? Maybe I’m the dumb one for trying to apply logic in this situation.
Rose Ceremony: Elise and Lauren go home. No one seems too upset.
Best Moment: “Clare is the most dramatic person I’ve ever seen, her piece of octupus was this big, I’m sure you’ve swallowed bigger things than that.” – Kelly. Possibly the line of the season.
Worst Moment: Clare tells Juan Pablo that she threw up in her mouth and then proceeds to talk about kissing him. And then makes out with him. Don’t talk about vomit when you want to kiss somebody. New rule.
Kat (Enjoys Dancing, 29)
Kat was the best dancer, which was pretty annoying because she insisted on showing off. Her choreography was all over the place during the concert. Obvious villain developing.
5. Mom (Real Estate Agent, 32)
I still have high hopes for Renee but she has to slip in the rankings this week. She isn’t getting any time with JP and so it’s hard to see any chemistry developing. She’s not out of the game yet, but she needs to become a crazy soccer mom and force her way into Juan Pablo’s heart like he wants her too.
4. Chelsie (Science Educator, 24)
Chelsie doesn’t seem too bright, but she is energetic and is always game for whatever Juan Pablo has on tap. She’s basically a lot like Kelly’s dog.
3. Nikki (Negative Nurse, 26)
The other girls are starting to hate on her and she welcomes it. I think that dynamic is going to be fun to watch.
2. Clare (Hairstylist, 32)
Clare is quite obviously crazy. And the other girls are starting to get pissed that she is hogging Juan Pablo. I think having a target on her back will motivate her to take her crazy to a whole new level.
1. Sharleen (Opera Singer, 29)
Sharleen seems to recognize that she and Juan Pablo might not have a ton in common, but she’s buying into the romance and the jet-setting of the whole situation. And Juan Pablo seems to recognize that she has a classiness and worldliness to her that some of the other girls are lacking. If they end up together I give this relationship NO chance, but for now she looks like the front-runner.
BOLD PREDICTION: Next week they are going to Vietnam. The only thing the producers knew about Korea was K-Pop, so I’m guessing that next week’s date will revolve around the movie Operation Dumbo Drop.