Get to see the towns where these ladies scraped the bottom of the barrel so hard that they
decided to go on The Bachelor.
First up is Kansas City for Nikki. Kansas City being in Missouri rather than Kansas is still one of history’s greatest mysteries, and Nikki has no answers.
Kansas City is famous for its BBQ, and she takes Juan Pablo for some ribs to test how
“cowboy” he is. In a season of moments that have made me hungry, this was the worst.
Nikki wants to tell him that she loves him, but she decides when they are covered in
barbecue sauce or when he’s on a mechanical bull aren’t the right moments.
Nikki’s dad and his sweater are a little concerned that Juan Pablo might hurt Nikki, but
Juan Pablo wins him over.
Nikki tells her whole family that she loves Juan Pablo, but doesn’t tell Juan Pablo.
Could that be a dagger? We are officially on DAGGER WATCH.
-Next we head to Atlanta for Andi’s hometown date
Andi is taking him to a gun range. I don’t know if you should trust with someone of Juan
Pablo’s intelligence with a firearm. Juan Pablo struggled and missed most of his shots, but
hit a bulls-eye once. He basically had Stormtrooper accuracy
Andi’s dad doesn’t approve of the fact that it took Andi several weeks to get a one on one date. Andi’s dad clearly reads this blog. He points out the fact that they’ve basically been on one date and otherwise have been out gallivanting around the world, so how could they possibly know each other? But wait a second, Andi’s dad, you just said that you met Andi’s mom and then married her after only knowing her for a year. You can’t get to know somebody in just a year. People can hide a lot about themselves in a year. Their crazy, their insecurities, their blog, etc. So you’re basically in no possession to try to take the moral high ground here, Andi’s dad.
Andi’s dad doesn’t quite give his blessing, he says that first Andi has to choose him and he has to choose Andi to be the only girl left before he’d give his blessing. Reasonable. But after Nikki’s dad and Nikki’s dad’s sweater gave their blessing, could that be a dagger? DAGGER WATCH is officially at 2.
-Next is Sarasota, Florida for Renee.
Renee gets to see Ben for the first time in months, and she is overjoyed. That was pretty touching, no sarcasm. They watch Ben’s Little League game, Ben is apparently a superstar athlete. Hitch your wagon to that star, Juan Pablo.
I was under the impression that Ben was around the same age as Camilla. But that he looked like he was much older. He was almost as tall as Renee and Juan Pablo! Juan Pablo was practically bumming smokes off of him. He looked like he was ready to leave half-way through to go grab some brews with his buddies from the steel mill where he just worked a double.
Renee says she’s ready to fall in love, but she hasn’t told JP. What the hell is going on, normally on this show they drop the love conversation within the first hour.
Renee also doesn’t say it. DAGGER WATCH is at three!
-Finally, Sacramento California for Clare.
Clare and Juan Pablo feed some geese? That wasn’t as cool of a date as eating BBQ or shooting guns.
Clare’s family looks nothing like her. She had to have been adopted? Her family is all heavy set with dark hair and many of them resemble trolls. She is thin and has blonde hair. I know she might color her hair, but her face also looks non-troll like. There are just so many ugly sisters around. This is like a Cinderella scenario. Except no one is rooting for Clare.
One of Clare’s 8,000 sisters is concerned about Clare’s mom’s thoughts, but won’t let Clare’s mom actually talk and is super protective of her. I don’t get it, is Clare’s mom an invalid? Is she a mafia boss? JP finally gets to talk to Don Mama, and definitely wins her approval.
No daggers here, Juan Pablo is going to want to get sloppy seconds from himself and take Clare to the fantasy suite.
ROSE CEREMONY: Dagger watch catches up to Renee. Renee was a class act the whole season. She was probably the only person who didn’t embarrass herself on multiple occasions. Sucks for her in the short term, but in the long term she’ll probably end up doing better than drunk Juan Pablo. Maybe her 38 year old son can introduce her to a nice guy.
Best Moment: Drunk Juan Pablo has to handle guns. There was never a better ad for gun control than watching that.
Worst Moment: Clare’s sisters
3. Andi (Guns, 26)
Andi and Nikki are neck and neck, I give Nikki the slight edge at this point because she seems to have bought in totally. Andi seems a little more hesitant.
2. Nikki (BBQ, 27)
Nikki has fallen for JP, she just has to tell him. I think that gives her a leg up over Andi but puts her a step behind Clare.
1. Clare (Adopted, 32)
I think Juan Pablo is most comfortable with her because she is the craziest and that appears to be what he’s looking for.
BOLD PREDICTION: The next episode is the infamous fantasy suite episode, and they haven’t been shy about teasing that there is going to be controversy. We’ve had some recent bachelors and bachelorettes claim that the fantasy suite is just a place where they can go to talk. Drunk Juan Pablo has no intention of using the fantasy suite to talk. Drunk Juan Pablo is going to go for the television hall of fame by proposing the first ever fantasy suite foursome.