First real week of dates. Time to start separating the wheat from the chafe, find the cream of the crop, and the insert third cliche here.
Los Angeles has to be getting tired of this show importing all kinds of scum for a few months every year.
-Eric gets the first date of the season.
Eric is the guy who dies, it will be interesting how they see how they handle the footage of him this season. They can’t just edit him out, but they probably don’t want show excessive footage of him either. I’m going to respect his memory by making fun of him just the same as I would any other cast member.
It sounds like Eric just travels around the world doing exciting things for his job. I can’t imagine how douchey his match.com profile must have been. He was probably the ultimate guy who will one-up everyone when people are swapping stories at a bar. Oh, you studied abroad in Barcelona for two months? I rode a unicycle through downtown Mogadishu.
They go to the beach, but it is a smokescreen for a helicopter date. Andi breaking out the big guns on the first date. They fly up to Bear Mountain and go snowboarding. They said “this is insane, we were on the beach and now we’re in snow! THIS IS INSANE” approximately 40 times.
At dinner he tells a charming story about how he was almost murdered in Syria. This is a rare moment on the show where the audience gets to see people having an actual conversation. Eric gets the rose
-Next we get a group date for Andi and 14 of the bros. The group date is going to have the guys performing with male exotic dancers. Hearing that was literally the greatest moment of Cody’s life. The guys were all coached by the exotic dancers. I assume they were also coached on the finer points of coming up with fake stories to tell your parents about why you don’t have student loans anymore.
The performances are a big hit with the audience. How do you get to a point in your life where spending an afternoon at a charity strip-off for a TV show taping sounds like a good plan?
At the party afterwards, Craig says he is going to “get real.” Wrong reality show, idiot. But “getting real” to Craig just means getting really drunk. To Andi’s credit she wants to give him a pass because everybody has had a moment where they were a little too drunk in the wrong situation….
But Craig took the pass and burned it by continuing to drink, running around screaming, jumping in the pool, shoving other guys, and then getting removed from the date by producers.
-Chris gets a one on one. They go to Santa Anita race track. Chris has to upgrade from his farmer clothes to a suit, and he says that he feels like he’s in “Pretty Woman.” Andi lets him get away with that.
There were way too many cheap horse racing puns. “I picked a winner,” “I bet on the right horse,” “she broke her leg so we had to shoot her and turn her into a softball.” Someone should have brought up that it’s more common for a horse to win the Triple Crown than it is for a successful relationship to come out of this show.
Then they get a private concert. She brought out a helicopter and a private concert in the first week?! This season is going to be packed with “walking around” dates down the final stretch because they’ll have wasted all the other ideas.
Andi is swept off her feet by Chris’ gentlemanly attitude, and she says that it makes her feel better after the Craig debacle. That may not bode well for Craig. Chris gets the rose.
Rose Ceremony: Prior to the ceremony, Craig apologizes for Andi and sings her a cheesy apology song he wrote. Points for creativity, but he still gets the boot.
Running “Right Reasons” Tally: 3
Best Moment: Sharleen returned to hang out with Andi at the strip-off and you could immediately tell that once again she regrets ever signing up to do the Bachelor.
Worst Moment: Brett does a puppet show for Andi. Brett only got 5 seconds of air time, and it ruined my night.
6. JJ (Pantsapreneur, 30)
5. Josh M (Former Professional Baseball Player, 29)
Josh said to Andi that he didn’t want her to only think of him as a typical dumb jock, but then only said dumb jock things to her for the next few minutes.
4. Eric (Explorer, 31)
Eric seems like a genuine guy and has a nice life story, but he’s basically a walking humblebrag. But he brings more to the table than a walking protein shake like Cody, so I think he is going to stick around for a while.
3. Nick V (Software Sales Executive, 31)
Not much air time for Nick this week, I don’t remember if he was on any of the dates and I’m too lazy to look it up. But he pulled a great move of organizing an impromptu date for Andi at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party. He even included a date card. Nick is flying under the radar for now but he is showing a lot of potential.
2. Marcus (Sports Medicine Manager, 21)
What is a sports medicine manager? Andi challenged Marcus by giving him a solo dance at the strip show and she also singled him out as someone who made her feel better after the destruction wrought by Craig, so he is flying up the rankings this week.
1. Chris (Farmer, 32)
Chris and Andi had a good date and it seemed like he was saying all the right things. He started strong out of the gate, hugged the post, and then finished strong down the stretch. This is a long haul, though. Is Chris just a front-runner who will fade, or is he a true champion?
BOLD PREDICTION: Craig will spend a lot of time at the bar after watching last night’s episode.