The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 9

Fantasy suite week always seems to coincide with the Home Run Derby. I’ll try to lay off the baseball puns this time around. This week brings us to the Dominican Republic!

jose bautista

 

 

Andi gives some thoughts on the three remaining guys.  Here are the words she used:

Josh: outgoing, lively, fun, every girl is attracted to, self-deprecating, funny. Then about 15 words about how hot she thinks he is.

Chris: sweet, light-hearted, funny, cute, charming, romantic, manly, mature, total package.

Nick: mental connection, sweet, smart, affectionate, serious, passionate

Josh got a lot more words.

Nick gets the first date, and it is a helicopter date that leads straight to a private island date. They make out in the ocean and have a picnic. Andi says that things are getting pretty passionate, which she sees as a perfect time to bring up his prior engagement and heartbreak. He passes on the chance to tell her he loves her and they make out while
snorkeling, which seems difficult to pull off.

Later, Nick divulges that he wrote a fairy tale that he wants to read to Andi.

bert wat

Nick’s fairy tale had a lot of plot problems and crayon illustrations, but it earns him the FANTASY SUITE invite. Nick says: “I’m excited for the possibility of talking all night, you saying listen Nick I’m tired, but I keep talking, you’re falling asleep, kind of talking but you’re really half-asleep.”

Substitute the word “talk” for “bang” and that’s what Nick was really getting at.

Nick also drops the love bomb and tells her all of the reasons why he loves her and Andi carries him into the fantasy suite. I’d say Nick did alright this week

cespedes bat flip gif

-Next they head to Santo Domingo for Josh’s date. Christopher Columbus is buried in Santo Domingo, just like Josh’s career is buried in the Florida League. It’s a classic walking around date.

They walk to a baseball sandlot and play with some local youths, Josh says that this date is a “grand slam.” Leave the baseball puns to me, buddy.  Halfway through the game Josh realizes the kids are better than him so he quits and says it’s because he wants to spend more time with his family.

At dinner, Andi says that she wants to really get deep with Josh. They don’t at all. He gets the FANTASY SUITE invite anyway because why the hell not

puig gif

Whereas Nick talked at length about the reasons why he loves Andi, Josh just said “I love you.  I really do.  Yeah, I’m glad you know that.  Because I love you.”  And she couldn’t drag him to the fantasy suite fast enough.  Nick’s fairy tale had more depth than Josh.

Chris gets sloppy thirds. They are going out to the Arlington, Iowa of the Dominican Republic to ride horses. Andi is terrified of horses evidently. Being terrified of farm animals bodes well for prospects of moving to Iowa! They frolic around, but Andi says that she’s unsure if he is “overnight date” material. Andi tells him that she can’t see herself
moving to Iowa, and she can’t see herself with Chris. Not too difficult to see this coming, but I thought she’d at least give him one last ride on the tractor before sending him home.  Chris gets the boot and no fantasy suite invite.

astros gif

-Josh and Nick get roses at a ceremonial rose ceremony. Chris seems like a good guy and he went out like a class act. Be sure to tune in to “The Men Tell All” next week to see his audition to be the next bachelor.

BOLD PREDICTION: I’m sticking with Josh. Nick has a fighting chance, but I think Andi is tipping her hand. She keeps saying how much she is looking for reasons to doubt Josh, so the final reveal will be some bullshit about how all of her doubts melted away. Nick’s only chance is if Andi’s angry dad gets in a fistfight with Josh and injures him too badly for him to continue.

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