The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 9

Two more fantasy suites, hometown dates, and maybe even a rose ceremony for once?  Got a lot to cover tonight.

kermit

-We pick up where we left off last week, with Shawn confronting Nick about…not liking him? Shawn tells Nick he is a bad person and should feel bad. I guess he was just looking for some catharsis because there didn’t seem to be much point to that.

–Ben gets his one on one date in Galway.

galway

They are going on a horseback ride to a donkey farm. That confused the hell out of me.

They have dinner in a historic castle, and for once Kaitlyn recognizes that this isn’t what real dating is like and says “this feels like a fairy tale.”

Ben gets the FANTASY SUITE invite. Ben says “it is awkward and uncomfortable knowing that there are other people involved, and we’ve never talked about that. But we don’t have to because I’m confident in us.”

I didn’t want to break out the home run derby gifs tonight but…

cespedes bat flip gif

That was good stuff. Ben may just have a shot to stick around.

-Shawn is next and they’re going golfing.  “Golf is a lot like love…”  it’s expensive, time-consuming, and until recently it was the exclusive province of rich white men.

Kaitlyn forces Shawn to strip naked and runs off with his clothes. He became the first guy to run naked across this historic golf course. Well, the first guy since John Daly.

At dinner later, Kaitlyn brings up Nick and the romance of the evening dies. Kaitlyn asks Shawn a lot of loaded questions like “why don’t you think Nick is great?” And “isn’t Nick really great?” Kaitlyn asks Shawn about the “eskimo brothers” comment, because she wants “to make sure he’s going to be a loyal husband.” How does Shawn being eskimo brothers with a country singer have any bearing on whether he’d be a loyal husband or not? You know Nick is eskimo brothers with failed professional baseball player Josh and you aren’t questioning his loyalty.  And, in fairness to Shawn, Kaitlyn very recently had sex with both Nick and Ben and she isn’t questioning her own loyalty.  In addition to being very illogical, Kaitlyn looks like she is completely turned off.

Shawn gets the FANTASY SUITE invite, but it seems like he only gets it because Kaitlyn wants to talk to him about things off-camera about his sexual exploits rather than have a romantic night with him.

ROSE CEREMONY:  Ben goes home.  I was a little surprised, with how poorly it seemed like Shawn’s date went and how well Ben’s went.  But he and Jared seemed like the quintessential “nice guy, but not good enough” competitors for several weeks now.  He goes out like a class act and wishes her the best.  He doesn’t even seem that disappointed. Just like I said last week, he gets the final romp in the fantasy suite and barring a Nick-esque rant at “The Men Tell All” he is the front-runner to be the next bachelor.

Now we move on to hometown week!  We’re going to Deer Valley, Utah

deer valley

Deer Valley, Utah? Who’s home is this? Wait a minute, they are flying in Shawn and Nick’s families! NO! The best part of hometown week is going to visit the hometowns! This is bullshit, this broke ass show needs to quit fucking around.

Nick is up first.

Nick stutters through telling Kaitlyn that he loves her and pretends very poorly that he’s choking up. Kaitlyn is dumb enough to believe it and we are really wasting our time
for the next few weeks because Nick has this EASILY locked up.

Nick’s family isn’t thrilled that he decided to become friends with Kaitlyn on YikYak or whatever social media site he stalked her on to subject himself to this show again. But they pretended to like Andi, and they pretend to like Kaitlyn too.

Kaitlyn says she’s in love with Nick’s family and feels like she’s already a part of it. She all but says she’s in love with Nick. This is over. Why do we have to waste the rest of this episode with Shawn’s family and then two hours of a finale? It’s over, throw in the damn towel!

towel

Ugh, I guess we’re going through the motions with Shawn and his family. At least they got a trip to Utah. He says he is excited to tell Kaitlyn that he loves her. That seems like splitting hairs to me when he has said “I’m falling in love with you” several times already.  But he needs to let her know that he is done falling I guess.

Shawn says at length how important his family’s opinion is but then also says that his mom didn’t make the trip. Even his mom saw the writing on the wall!

Kaitlyn again continues mentioning how good looking Shawn is when questioned about
why she likes him. After talking about all of her intense passionate feelings for Nick, it doesn’t seem like high praise to just say “I think he’s hottt” about Shawn.

The conversations with Shawn’s family go well, but does anyone believe Shawn actually has a chance?

BOLD PREDICTION:  Next week is “The Men Tell All.” Some years this is really stupid and not worth watching.  This year I think most of these guys have a lot of pent-up rage they are going to unleash in the direction of Kaitlyn, so this should be pretty good TV.  My prediction is that Ian doubles down on his infamous “surface level” rant and says that Kaitlyn isn’t even deep enough to be considered surface level, that she has a dumb laugh, and that her dance moves are amateur at best.

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