The Bachelor Recap and Power Rankings: Week 2

The first real week is here.  That means the first real dates, the first real fights, the first real creepy Chris Harrison comments.  We start off in Los Angeles..

los angeles

We start off with a group date with Ben and 10 women.  Ben is “taking them back
to school.” None of the girls are wearing attire appropriate for high school in my opinion.

They are competing in vaguely school-related contests and the winners get more time with Ben.  One of the classes is “lunch.” If I could have gotten a grade in lunch I definitely would have raised my GPA, unless having people to sit with factors into your grade.

The “academic” contests were: science, lunch, geography, basketball, and track. Not very rigorous, but that’s also the freshman courseload at Florida State.

Mandi ends up winning and gets extra time with Ben and adorned with the homecoming jewels

mandi ring


At the party afterwards, the girls begin the inevitable process of breaking down emotionally over who kisses him, who gets more one on one time with him, and who got the best grade in lunch.

JoJo gets the rose. Ben credits her great attitude and personality during the competition, I credit their great makeout session on a helipad.

-Next up, Caila gets the first one on one date.  The first one on one date is a pretty good predictor of success.  It doesn’t always go to the eventual winner, but it seems like it always goes to someone who is destined to be on the show until near the end.

Ice Cube and Kevin Hart arrive, they will be accompanying Caila and Ben on their date. Promoting their movie Ride Along, they will be riding along with Ben and Caila.  Normally I hate when they do these dumb promotional tie ins, but it’s hard to hate on Ice Cube and Kevin Hart being on this date.

It’s a classic DRIVING AROUND date. Ben tries to have a serious conversation while driving around in a convertible with two A-list stars in the backseat. He asks “what’s your favorite color,” a classic first date question that really breaks the ice and lets you find out so much about the other person. Ice Cube asks Ben if he needs to buy condoms, Ben says that really isn’t his style. I agree, condoms are lame.

Ice Cube and Kevin Hart leave to go do the same date with Conan and his intern, and Caila and Ben finally get some alone time where Ben can ask her about her favorite animal or other important questions he has.

They get a private concert from Amos Lee, slow dance, and talk about what Caila’s favorite juice is. Caila gets the rose.

-Finally, a group date for Ben and 6 women.  They go to a place called the “Love Lab.” This place seems like they aren’t even trying to conceal that this is a porn studio 6 out of every 7 days of the week.

The girls get sweaty on treadmills and Ben is blindfolded and smells them while a guy with questionable medical credentials logs Ben’s feedback. Then they film them groping each other with infrared cameras. Yeah, again, definite porn studio. I’m surprised they didn’t see Jade walking out on their way in.

Olivia gets the highest score from the porn doctor. She yells out “winning!” No one who unironically says “winning!” after 2011 is mentally stable.

At the after party, Amanda opens up and lets him know that she has kids. Ben says he is cool with that and he really appreciates that she let him know. But Olivia gets the rose because Ben was in a POV scene with her.

Cocktail Party

Olivia steals Ben for some more one on one time and the girls start to melt down since she already has a rose. Olivia says- hey, I’m here to win Ben, not just win a goddamn rose. This breaks Lace’s brain, as she runs to Ben to tell him that she feels insecure because she was really weird looking as a kid. It’s ok, Lace, you’re still kind of weird looking. Some girls are nervous to tell him about past relationships or about having kids. Lace is nervous about telling him that she had bangs when she was 8.

Ben must have bought more than just condoms at the liquor store with Ice Cube, because he starts giving out gifts to several of the girls. It’s hard to tell if he is just a really nice guy, or is he giving them mementos to remember their time on the show because he is sending their bangs home tonight?

He sends several home at the rose ceremony and wastes a golden opportunity to have Ice Cube say “bye Felicia” to each one.

Running “Right Reasons” Tally: 1.  There was ONE tonight and it was off-camera.  This sucks.  I blame Grantland for tipping off the producers that everyone makes fun of “right reasons.”

You’re dead if you drank every time….…Ben described a woman as “bubbly.”  Last week it was “gorgeous,” this week it was “bubbly.”  When Ben has an adjective he likes, he really runs it into the ground.  This doesn’t bode well for all of the non-bubbly women.


Lauren B

6. Lauren B (Flight Attendant, 25)

She barely got any air time this week, but Ben went out of his way at the cocktail party to tell her that he is really fond of her.  He gave her a picture of the two of them having their first one one one conversation.  In 99% of situations that would be as creepy as smelling someone after she just got off a treadmill, but in this situation that was a nice gesture.


5. Amanda (Esthetician, 25)

Amanda opened up to Ben about having kids, and he rolled with it but didn’t seem enthused.  But then later he pulled her aside and said he wanted to make some personalized barrettes with her for her daughters.  Once again, a really nice gesture to let her know that even though she didn’t get any date roses that he was taking time out to think about her.


4. JoJo (Real Estate Developer, 24)

JoJo also didn’t get too much air time, but the little air time she did get was spent making out with Ben.  I’m no love scientist and I didn’t have an infrared camera, but I’ve spent enough time in my life watching people make out to know when there is chemistry.  And there was chemistry.


3. Lace (Bangs, 25)

Another banner week for Lace.  She apologized to Ben for melting down at the end of last week’s rose ceremony…and then proceeded to melt down three more times over the course of this week’s episode.  It’s a shame she isn’t going to be around much longer, but before she goes I expect some fireworks, literally and figuratively.


2. Caila (Software Sales, 24)

Caila had a good one on one date with Ben (and Ice Cube and Kevin Hart).  She opened up to Ben about a past relationship–she once met a guy on a plane, later ran into him on the street, decided it was fate and started dating him, and then broke up with him a year later when she realized she was only dating him because they had a cool story.  So she wants to know the love is real and not just caused by having an interesting/fairy tale type story, and here she is on a reality TV show trying to find love.  She might have some Lace-esque crazy below the surface.


1. Olivia (Brazzers, 23)

Not only do Olivia and Ben have scientifically proven chemistry, but she is gladly adopting the mantle of being the woman that does not care about hurting other girls’ feelings and gunning to hog Ben’s time.  She is already causing resentment and already drove Lace to reveal embarrassing stories about her haircut.  She is going to be fun to watch, even without an infrared camera.

BOLD PREDICTION:  Lace’s sanity is hanging by a thread and Ben’s patience with it seems to be non-existent.  Her sticking around for another week is probably solely producer-driven.  So it’s too easy to predict that she finally self-destructs and goes home next week.  I’m going to predict that she takes someone with her.  She took a figurative swing at Olivia, who didn’t flinch.  Next week I think when she is in the midst of a meltdown she’ll swoop up one of the weaker contestants, they’ll fight, and both get the boot.  And Dr. Sex of the love lab will be waiting to offer them contracts.

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