Last week left off with the first, and hopefully last, cliffhanger of the season….
Ben pulls Olivia aside and asks her what her thoughts are about why everyone thinks she is worse than Hitler. Olivia thinks she has had a target on her back from the beginning and that she doesn’t have a lot in common with the other women because she likes reading and thinking.
Ben decides to keep her around, and the other girls are furious. Come at the king and you best not miss. Jennifer goes home at the rose ceremony.
The show hits the road again to go to the Bahamas…….
….WHERE THEY ALL RIDE ON A CATAMARAN! I’d be lying if I said I haven’t fantasized about that before. Not being on a catamaran with 9 women, but seeing a moment on this show when everyone is on a catamaran at once.
-The first one on one goes to Caila. They are going deep sea fishing…..not on a catamaran. Ugh, ok, let’s fast forward to later.
At dinner, Ben decides to confront Caila about why she smiles so much, which frankly is a weird thing to confront someone about. Caila says she is not ready to let her walls down fully yet. She tells Ben she feels like she loves him, but she also is unsure. And that she is afraid that she can’t fall in love with him and will end up hurting him. Hard to think of a better way to make things super awkward on a date except for having her copy edit your Bachelor blog.
Caila tells Ben that she feels happy with him because he makes her “feel understood.” Really? Because I feel like you made things confusing as shit. Regardless, Caila gets the rose because Ben feels like she let her guard down and was authentic.
-Meanwhile, Leah is melting down because she has not had a one on one yet and has barely said more than 2 words per episode. Unfortunately for her she is included on the group date with 5 other women and Ben…
….but IT’S A CATAMARAN.
I predict good things for this date. They arrive at an island where fat pigs are swimming around. I saw this movie, it was called
Animal Farm Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Lord of the Flies. From what I can gather pigs are just constantly swimming around this island. That is adorable and all, but all I could think about is how I’d rather drink the water in Flint than have to swim in that water.
They chase the pigs around, but most of the women feel upset because they feel like Ben is getting too handsy with Lauren B and ignoring the rest of them and the pigs. Leah in particular continues her earlier meltdown. Ben decides to have a sit down with all of them individually to reassure them, but Leah says that Lauren B is a pig in woman’s clothing. Lauren B asks the others if they said anything and Leah vigorously denies it.
Amanda gets the group date rose.
Later, Leah goes to Ben’s room to try to get some one on one time and continue to slander Lauren B. Ben isn’t really buying it and sends her home.
-Next, the producers give us what we’ve all wanted: Emily vs. Olivia in…
Two enter, one leaves.
They go to an island where Ben cuts to the chase and gives them each alone time with him. Olivia wastes no time and tells him that she’s falling in love with him. Emily also tells Ben that she really sees a future with him, but she does not use the word “love.”
Ben pulls Olivia aside for a second time, Olivia is downright giddy. She is talking in a sing songy voice, she is practically skipping down the beach…and then Ben tells her that he can’t reciprocate her feelings and give her the rose.
He tells Emily that he wants their journey to continue, Emily gets the rose as Olivia watches. The Bahamas have not seen a massacre like that since….Columbus? No, no, this is worse. This is the worst massacre to happen on the Bahamas. The queen is dead.
Rose Ceremony: In addition to the aforementioned roses, JoJo, Becca, and Lauren B get roses. Lauren H goes home.
Running “right reasons” tally:
You’re dead if you drank every time……the girls celebrated Olivia being gone. Ok, so we didn’t see much of the celebration. But literally every one of the other contestants was bitching about Olivia prior to her Thunderdome date. You know they got turnt up when they saw the producer carry away her luggage.
6. Emily (Twin, 22)
Hey, we never did find out what she does for a living did we? Emily gets major props for taking down Olivia and she has proven surprisingly resilient despite showing up on the show with one of the dumbest gimmicks ever. I don’t know if she can stick around, but anyone who can withstand Olivia’s weird feet and bad breath should not be underestimated.
5. JoJo (Real Estate Developer, 24)
JoJo was one of the people who complained to Ben on the group date that he was letting Lauren B hog him. Unlike with Leah where he rolled his eyes hard, he seemed genuinely hurt that JoJo wasn’t having a good time. She needs to put in work, but she has to be considered a contender.
4. Becca (Virgin, 26)
I’ve said all there is to say about Becca. There must be something there that the editors aren’t showing us because Ben really seems to like her. I’m also working on a theory where, Faust or Little Mermaid style, she made a deal with a supernatural being to make herself appealing to Bachelors but she had to give up her personality in exchange.
3. Caila (Software sales, 24)
Ben said coming into this season that his biggest fear is that he is unlovable. Caila told him tonight that she might not be able to love him. I’m not a math guy but I don’t know how those two things add up.
2. Amanda (Esthetician, 25)
Amanda got a group date rose but she seems to be flying under the radar. I rank her this highly because a) she seems to be melting down less than most of the others, b) Ben keeps going to her for serious conversation, c) looks.
1. Lauren (Flight Attendant, 25)
Congrats, Lauren. With the end of Lauren H, you are officially the last Lauren left and we can drop your initial. She and Ben have a pretty clear chemistry and you could tell from Ben’s reaction to Leah’s slanderous attacks that he was worried what might happen if Lauren turned out to be an Olivia. Unlike with Olivia, the other girls rushed to her defense.
BOLD PREDICTION: After spending an afternoon swimming around with pigs and then not having an opportunity to sanitize, one of the women will contract hoof and mouth disease. They will become delirious and their feet will swell to an immense size, and Ben will become confused and think Olivia came back on the show.