The Bachelor Recap and Power Rankings: Week 9

We are down to the final three.  This week brings us to Manwhich’s second home: Jamaica.

cool runnings

Since it is fantasy suite week, each contestant gets a day with Ben.  And if all goes well they get invited to get extra time…off camera [unless you count Chris Harrison’s drone].

Caila

Caila gets the first date.  They are going rafting on the Martha Brae river.

martha brae

More like Martha BAE

They aren’t talking much, Caila feels anxious and stressed. Ben says he wants someone who can “be herself” and be comfortable. I get that, but these are weird circumstances when: a) this is the first date you get to spend all day together and b) you know he is going to be plowing two other women that you share hotel rooms with.

Later, Caila resolves to be less reserved and tells Ben that she’s in love with him. Ben is excited because he figures that is what had her so nervous, and she gets the fantasy suite invite.

Immature speculation on how it went in the fantasy suite:

bear

 

Lauren

Lauren is next and they go on a motorboat to a private beach where they will be releasing sea turtle babies into the ocean. Lauren and Ben are playing the part of the mama turtle who digs up her babies. The part of the sea gulls that come to feast on the babies will be played by Chris Harrison. Baby sea turtles prove to be a huge aphrodisiac as they spend most of the time making out.

Lauren gets the fantasy suite invite and Lauren says she’s glad that they can have time alone and tells him she’s in love with him….and Ben tells her that he is in love with her too!

wee bay react

One of the unwritten rules of this show is that the bachelor does not say “I love you” until the very end.  I am FREAKING OUT.

Immature speculation on how it went in the fantasy suite:

concert

 

JoJo

JoJo has a tough act to follow. She gets a helicopter date and they go swimming at a romantic waterfall.  Caila really had a shitty date compared to these last two.

They talk about the trainwreck that was JoJo’s hometown date and JoJo tells Ben that she is in love with him….and Ben says he’s in love with her too!

jersey shore

JoJo gets the fantasy suite invite.

Immature speculation on how it went in the fantasy suite:  Did you see how JoJo looked in that swimsuit?  How do YOU think it went?

nicholsen

-I’m no math guy, but something isn’t adding up here.  Especially for Caila.  Caila “decides” to pay a “spontaneous”  “visit” to “Ben” and gets sent home.  She immediately vaults into frontrunner status for Bachelorette.

They have a pro forma rose ceremony and a really awkward group hug. The other two know that they are moving on to another week, but you have to think they’re both wondering- “wait, if he loves me, why is she still here?”

I wonder if Ben forgot that this show is on TV.  There are rules!

You know… You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell Chris Harrison that, like, a virgin will visit the fantasy suite, or a pair of twins will both try to date me at the same time, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan”. But when I say that I’m in love with two women, well then everyone loses their minds!  

dark knight

Ben is an agent of chaos.

BOLD PREDICTION:  Next week is “the women tell all.”  Caila will get a chance to talk to Ben, and how that goes will really tip off whether she will be the next Bachelorette.  I say that she will not hold anything back and will burn so many bridges that ABC could not possibly ever let her back on TV again.

[No power rankings until next week]

 

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