6 guys left. Hometown dates next week. Little Alex angrier than ever. The stakes are high. Staying in Argentina this week.
-Alex gets the first one on one of the week.
“Alex was bitching about not getting a one on one date. Now he got one. So shut up.”
-Chase summing up this season perfectly.
JoJo and Little Alex go to a horse farm where they will be acting like gauchos.
Alex rides a horse very naturally, which makes sense because he’s jockey-sized.
Later, they are told to lay down on top of a horse and make out. It looked very awkward, especially for the guy who had to sit there keeping the horse calm the entire time.
Alex tells JoJo that he is falling in love with her. She says “screw you and the horse you rode in on/laid down on,” and sends him home. Not sure why she couldn’t have done this at the rose ceremony last week. Alex is guaranteed to be one of the most butthurt guys on “The Men Tell All.”
-Jordan gets the second one on one. They are taking a private jet to wine country. They stomp grapes, drink wine, and get in a hot tub. So Little Alex gets a date where he has to put on a beret and lay on a horse. Jordan gets wine and hot tub. Fair set-up!
At dinner JoJo asks Jordan about his family. Jordan says he does not have much of a relationship with his successful brother, Aaron Rodgers. Jordan sounds very bitter about the fact that his brother not only got to play in the NFL but is pretty good at it. “Football didn’t define me”- says the guy who lists his career as “former pro quarterback.”
JoJo seems a little concerned that Jordan won’t be giving her access to the rich NFL star lifestyle she clearly craves, but Jordan says that he’s in love with her and JoJo melts faster than a horse being touched by Little Alex. Jordan doing nothing to dispel his image as a phony. But that is clearly what JoJo craves.
-Next we get a group date with the leftovers (James Taylor, Robby, Chase).
They were supposed to go on a WALKING AROUND date, but it is too rainy. Instead they decide to play drinking games in a hotel room. Now this is the type of date I can get on board with. Everyone seems to get pretty drunk. This is so much more realistic than most dates on this show.
Robbie and James Taylor start getting competitive. James tries to impress JoJo by shoving 25 french fries into his mouth. Robby tries to impress her by taking off his shirt and running around in his underwear. I think Robby wins.
James stirs up shit by telling JoJo that Robby is checking out girls as they go through Buenos Aires. James has been such a snitch these last few weeks. It’s really transparent and JoJo doesn’t seem to like it. Robby gets the group date rose.
-Last but not least, Luke gets a one on one. They go to a horse ranch that looks less creepy than the one that Little Alex went to. Luke knows a lot about horses, so he takes JoJo out on a ride without any gaucho chaperones. Luke wears a denim shirt, which signifies to JoJo that he’s a real man. It could be because I’m tired, but Luke seems even more boring than usual. Something about his monotone, quiet voice…makes me want to fall asleep right hererrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
JoJo asks Luke where he sees himself in the future. Luke doesn’t have a plan for what he wants life to be like, but he wants it to involve JoJo. And a denim shirt. That seemed boring to me, but JoJo enjoys Luke.
-JoJo decides there is no need for a cocktail party and they go straight to the rose ceremony after Luke’s date. “The hay is in the barn, it’s time to narrow this down.”- Luke. Hay is in the barn??? There is no way that is an expression. I’m starting to think Luke is actually from Staten Island and he’s just playing a character. First the denim shirt, then talking like he’s playing Texas mad libs.
James Taylor goes home at the rose ceremony, to no one’s surprise or disappointment. He goes out like a class act and wishes JoJo the best. Maybe he would have stuck around longer if he was a class act and didn’t snitch on the other guys all the time…..nah.
You’re dead if you drank every time……JoJo said that a date felt natural and implied that dates where you lay on a horse or take a private jet to wine country were normal. JoJo is clearly not the kind of person who is going to want to give up the jet-setting, horse-laying life that she has grown accustomed to on this show. Doesn’t bode well for the non-Jordan guys who want to go back to their jobs instead of being celebs.
Running “right reasons” tally: 9. They didn’t say it exactly, but the other guys all implied that Jordan is a wrong reasons kind of guy.
4. Chase (Medical Sales Rep, 27)
Chase seems like the most normal of the remaining guys. So of course he’s in last place.
3. Robby (Former Competitive Swimmer, 27)
Robby is quietly moving into the top tier. If his family is normal he could have a ticket to the final week. If his family is anything like him, he might not.
2. Luke (Veteran, 31)
Congress needs to reform the VA so this guy can get the personality transplant he so desperately needs.
1. Jordan (Failed Quarterback, 27)
Another week, another claim by Jordan that he had a football career. He exhibited some really bitter feelings about his brother Aaron and the other guys in the house all agree he is as phony as his hair is poofy. But JoJo is so smitten she’ll never see it.
BOLD PREDICTION: Jordan’s parents will NOT hide all of the Aaron Rodgers memorabilia they have displayed in their house and it will drive Jordan insane.