The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week Eight

We pick up with the conclusion of last week’s rose ceremony.  After Luke pulled JoJo aside to tell him that he loves her, she sends him home at the ceremony. JoJo says she feels like she was just never sure with Luke because he never said how he was feeling. That hits Luke hard, but it does kinda make sense considering he didn’t tell her he was falling in love with her until seconds before the rose ceremony. Talking also does not seem to be Luke’s strong suit.

The remaining guys get to go to Hua Hin Thailand for FANTASY SUITE WEEK

hua hin

Looks like a nice place to go to town on each other.

Robbie

Robbie gets the first one on one. WALKING AROUND DATE!! It is poorly planned though because a monsoon strikes and it turns into a running around date.

“I want to be the guy that is late to work because he doesn’t want to leave her, and the guy who leaves work early to be with her.” Robbie, have we figured out what exactly it is you do for a living? Maybe you’d have a job if you weren’t coming in late and leaving early so often.

JoJo is still a little worried that Robbie might hurt her because of his ex drama. Robbie shows JoJo a note that his dad gave him encouraging him because he can tell how in love with JoJo he is. The note from dad is a huge turn on to JoJo, so she invites Robbie to stay in the fantasy suite! I’ve seen videos like that before.

Immature joke about Robby in the fantasy suite: It’s a good thing Robby is a former swimmer because he’s about to practice his…breast stroke.

fail-swimming-o

JoJo says she is in love with Robby, but decides not to tell him. JoJo learned nothing from Luke except for great bbq recipes.

Jordan

Next is Jordan. They go on a hike that looks very strenuous. “This gives me an idea of what the future would be like with Jordan.” “It was hard but we rolled with the punches and it shows what our relationship could be like.” “We walked into a beautiful cave, which is a metaphor for Jordan because he’s beautiful but has an empty space where his personality or accomplishments should be.” [I made one of those up]

JoJo still has doubts that Jordan is “too good to be true.” NFL GMs certainly didn’t think so. Jordan tells JoJo that he doesn’t have a “home base.” Aka he doesn’t have a job and is on this show to try to jumpstart a career. JoJo rightly has some concerns about that, but Jordan telling her that he envisions her as his wife is enough to placate her and she practically throws the fantasy suite card at him. JoJo gave him bedroom eyes like I haven’t seen since..oh god I need a timely reference…Harambe the gorilla looking at that kid? Melania Trump looking at a Michelle Obama speech? Me looking at a Pigeot?

Immature joke about Jordan in the fantasy suite: hopefully his tryout in the fantasy suite went as well as his tryouts in the NFL.

Afterwards JoJo seemed like she had a hard time asking Jordan to Brexit the fantasy suite. I don’t know if that bodes well for Chase.

Chase

Chase gets the chance for sloppy thirds. They go on a boat ride and can’t stop stalking about how hot it is. Not sexy hot, but temperature hot.

“We’re in this magical place with monkeys..and fishermen..and saltwater..and fish..today is just amazing”

-Chase, who then also added that he “loves lamp.”

In the middle of the date while JoJo is changing for the evening (i.e. banging) portion of Chase’s date, Robbie shows up to reaffirm his love.

Despite that, Chase gets the fantasy suite invite. Chase says he is “100% in love,” and JoJo doesn’t seem as thrilled to be hearing that. JoJo decides to send him home. Chase got the fantasy suite invite but got ejected before things could really get cooking. That’s like a goalline fumble.

Chase is pissed. He says “so now ‘I love you’ equals ‘Get the fuck out’?” He is angry that he put himself out there because he’s always had a hard time doing that. Chase decides to leave rather than continue the conversation and JoJo literally…chases..him. Having break up conversations is never pleasant, JoJo is trying too hard to make him understand when he clearly never will.

Chase then derisively refers to his van out of town as his “fantasy suite,” which in all honesty is a better joke than I could make in that situation.  You didn’t win, but at least you had a great mic drop on the way out, Chase.

Rose Ceremony:  As the rose ceremony begins, JoJo explains to Robby and Jordan that she sent Chase home…and then Chase shows up.

Chase apologizes for how angry he was and tells her he appreciates her and the whole experience and all of the classy things he should have saved for the bullshit “guys tell all” show tomorrow night. Maybe he is making a run at being the bachelor next season.  God help us.

You’re dead if you drank every time……JoJo rejected someone after they opened up and told her they loved her.  JoJo has a really bad habit of crushing someone at their most vulnerable moment.

Running “right reasons” tally:  11

FINAL PREDICTIONS:

1. Jordan will win.  He’s been the front runner from day 1 and the only problems JoJo seems to have are her (correct) instincts that he’s a phony.

2. Luke will be the next bachelor.  I don’t think he has the personality to carry the show, but ABC is going to go with the tried and true tactic of picking the guy that they think the female audience will swoon over the most.

3. Robbie will be very angry.

4. Jordan’s hair will look even dumber on After the Final Rose than it does now.

5. Bachelor in Paradise will officially surpass The Bachelor/Bachelorette as the superior show.

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