The Bachelor Recap and Power Rankings: Week 2

It’s week 2, but it’s the first week of real dates.  Which means real feelings, real rivalries, and real tears.  As is tradition, the first few weeks of the season are centered at The Bachelor‘s quaint mansion in the Agoura Hills area of Los Angeles County (thanks Wikipedia).

mansion

 

-The first date of the season is a group date.  Nick and 12 women are going to a wedding-themed photo shoot.  How many of these women can wear white with a straight face?

Everyone gets a “character” they have to play. Vanessa is playing an 80s bride, Brittany is playing an Adam and Eve themed bride, Nick is playing a guy capable of a long-lasting relationship.

Corrine, mafia heiress, couldn’t stop mentioning to all of the women that she kissed Nick on the first night. I guess her dad never told her about the code of omerta. Corrine also takes her top off during her photo shoot, which is unlike any non-Florida wedding I’ve ever seen. The photographer awards Corrine extra time with Nick and I haven’t seen so many women pretending to smile since every wedding ever.

“No one has held my boobs like that.  No one ever will.”-Actual quote from Corrine

nick-transfomer

Pictured: Nick

Later, Corrine and Nick make out a lot and the other women start passive aggressively insulting her. “You really like stealing time with Nick,” “You’re really aggressive,” “You are a ruthless whore,” etc. Corrine causes more friction by taking more time with Nick than they think she’s entitled to. Taylor one-upped her by interrupting the interrupter and stealing back time with Nick, which caused Corrine to mark Taylor for death.

Corrine gets the group date rose.

-Danielle M gets the first one on one.  They take a helicopter to a yacht where they chill out in the hot tub, pretty cliche first date.  Danielle tells Nick that she was engaged a few years ago but her fiance died of a drug overdose and she says she’s felt afraid to share that with anyone before, but now Nick has made her comfortable enough to announce it on national television.  Nick says he feels like they have a lot of chemistry and he sees a lot in what he wants in a wife in her.  Danielle gets the rose.  That seemed like it went well but it got short shrift because ABC wanted to make sure all the drama with Liz got the most air time.  Speaking of…

-Back at the house, Liz confides in Christen that she has previously fucked Nick. Liz keeps saying she wants to “clear the air” with Nick.  Maybe you could have done that in the NINE MONTHS leading up to this.

-Next up is a group date with 6 ladies, including Liz.

They head to the Museum of Broken Relationships, where there is an entire wing being dedicated to Nick. Each of the women will be engaging in a live role playing situation where they have to break up with Nick in front of museum goers. For Nick this is probably going to be like when those D-Day veterans went to a screening of Saving Private Ryan and got PTSD.

Liz is upset that they aren’t able to get one on one time to talk. Hey, Liz, remember when Nick asked for your phone number and he could have texted you to set up a one on one date where you would get a chance to talk to him and you said no?

Liz decides the proper approach is to read a pre-written summary of their liaison at Jade and Tanner’s wedding in front of the other contestants and an audience of confused tourists. Liz says she’s mad that Nick didn’t “fight” for her. Liz, he asked for your number and you said no. If he fought for you at that point I think he’d be considered a stalker and you’d be within your rights to ask for a protective order.

Nick: Liz, can I get your number?

Liz: No.

*Nick moves on with his life*

Liz: HE DIDN’T FIGHT FOR ME, WHY WON’T HE ACKNOWLEDGE AND VALIDATE ME??

It takes a really warped mind to make herself the victim in that situation. Though Nick isn’t exactly handling it well by completely avoiding her and referring to them banging in euphemistic terms like “our first encounter.” An “encounter” is what happens in the alley behind my house, not an evening spent together basking in Jade’s beauty.

Nick asks Liz if she is here to actually pursue a relationship or if she just wanted to be on TV. Liz says she didn’t know Nick very well then and is here now because she wants to get to know him and she doesn’t like talking on the phone….

ice-cube

Nick sees through that bullshit and sends her home. I have a hard time ever siding with Nick, but Liz was full of shit. She just wanted to get on TV and/or she’s mentally ill, so Nick made the right call here.

Nick decides to come clean to the other women….and we get a cliffhanger. Not okay. I feel ignored and not validated.

You’re dead if you drank every time……Liz said “Jade and Tanner’s wedding.”

Running “right reasons” tally:  1.  Although Nick’s entire thing with Liz was all about her not being on the show for the right reasons, I can’t count it because he didn’t say the magic words.

POWER RANKINGS

I shouldn’t even be doing these because we didn’t get a rose ceremony, but I’ll wing it the way Liz winged her responses to the question “why are you here?”

vanessa

6.  Vanessa (Special Education Teacher, 29)

Vanessa is here pretty much by default because I don’t think anyone else did enough to break into the rankings.  She didn’t do much to stand out this week, though she does continue to provide good commentary.

raven

5. Raven (Arkansas, 25)

Like Vanessa, Raven didn’t get a ton of screen time this week.  She does seem like she is on the verge of some big moments though: She hates Corrine, she already expressed concern about Nick’s sexcapades before she even found out about Liz, and she has Bret Bielma on speed dial.

danielle-m

4. Danielle M (Neonatal nurse, 31)

The first one on one date is usually a big deal, but we didn’t get to see much out of Danielle on hers aside from the story of her tragic engagement.  Was it because the date didn’t have many fireworks, or was it because the producers cut all of her scenes out to make room for Liz’s shenanigans?  I am betting on the latter.  Nick seemed like he saw something he liked in Danielle, I think she’s going to be around for a while.

rachel

3.  Rachel (Attorney, 31)

Rachel got a bye week this week- no dates and almost no air time.  I still consider her a top contender, but she’s getting the Coaches Poll treatment of dropping for being inactive.

taylor

2. Taylor (Mental Health Counselor, 23)

Despite being 30 years younger, Taylor and Nick seem to have immediate chemistry and substantive conversations.  Taylor was also one of the few to stand up to Corrine’s reign of terror with more than just passive aggressive commentary.  Taylor is in this for the long haul, and as a mental health counselor there is no one more equipped to dealing with the type of women who compete on this show.

corrine

1.  Corrine (“Business owner”, 24)

Corrine took the villain mantle and will not relinquish it.  In addition to bragging about making out with Nick at the outset of a group date, she proceeded to make out with him furiously during the group date.  When that wasn’t enough, she removed her top and placed his hands on her bare breasts.  Then she got drunk and marked her territory by making out with Nick even more.  She basically told everyone else to go and get their fuckin’ shinebox.

BOLD PREDICTION:  Nick told the group date women about his history with Liz, but next week he will have to tell the rest of the house.  I think there will be a lot of talk from the women about not trusting Nick and wanting to go home, but at the end of the day no one will leave because of it.  And Corrine will actually be more inspired to turn her game up to the next level because of it.

 

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