The Bachelor Recap and Power Rankings: Week 4

Sometimes change is a good thing.  Like when someone decided to add french fries to salad.  But sometimes change is hard.  And the change in The Bachelor universe of rose ceremonies moving to the beginning of shows rather than the end has been a tough adjustment for us all.  But I guess we have to turn and face the strange.  Time may change me, but I can’t trace time.

We pick up where we left off last week with the women not being happy that Corinne is being so “sexually aggressive” towards Nick and disrespectful towards them.  They tell Corinne that she is acting too entitled and disrespectful, Corinne laughs it off, and nothing else happens.   Corinne gets a rose at the rose ceremony and the issues are still simmering.  Not worth a cliffhanger, but what are you going to do?

This week the show hits the road for what Chris Harrison promises is a trip around the globe.  I wonder what exotic locale they’ll be traveling to first?

waukesha

Oh

Waukesha, Wisconsin.  Nick’s hometown. I know after the election media outlets are trying to get out of their coastal bubbles and experience middle America but this is ridiculous.  Go to enough places like Waukesha and you might accidentally have them go on a real date.

I’ll say this for Nick- he isn’t one of those guys who leaves his hometown and acts differently.  He is just as much of a douche here in his hometown as he is elsewhere.

-Danielle L gets the first Waukesha date and it is a WALKING AROUND date.  That’s right, they’re Walkin’ Around Waukesha.  That’s fun to say.  Waukesha town elders, @ me if you want to buy that slogan from me.  Nick decides it’s a good idea to point out to Danielle various places he’s made out with and had sex with girls around town. As if on cue, they run into an ex-girlfriend of Nick’s and instead of doing the normal thing of avoiding eye contact and crossing the street, they sit down and talk to her for an awkwardly long time.

Later they open up and talk about her coping with her parents’ divorce and her past relationships and what it’s like to be a person of ambiguous ethnic background in a bar in Wisconsin. Stray observation that Nick seems to treat dates like job interviews with lots of rapid fire questions.

They end the date getting to dance on stage at a Chris Lane concert. Nick says “this is a bucket list item.” Nick has been on this show so many times I’m positive he has danced on stage at a concert before. In fact, he did it JUST LAST WEEK WITH THIS SAME PERSON. Danielle gets the rose.

-Next is a group date with Nick and THIRTEEN women.  I know the concept of this show is a guy dating a bunch of women at once, but thirteen seems excessive.

The date is taking place at a dairy farm.

“Being from Wisconsin, I’m a city boy.”- Nick, revealing that he has never actually been to Wisconsin.

Nick and the ladies do farm chores: milking cows, shoveling cow shit, getting subsidies from the government, voting for Trump, brushing Josephine’s mane, feeding cows, etc.

The girls and Nick are out of their element in this environment, but most of them have fun with it. Corinne, on the other hand, storms away and pouts at how smelly and cold it is.

Later Corinne decides she wants to clear the air because she knows the other girls have been talking shit about her. They question her maturity because of the bouncey castle and the frequent napping. Corinne again laughs off the criticism. I don’t think either side looked great and the situation was not resolved. Kristina in particular says to Corinne that she doesn’t think she showed she has the maturity to handle a relationship if she can’t handle a rose ceremony.

Corinne mentions to Nick that she is trying to resolve the situation with the other women, and Nick really understands where she was coming from because the other contestants hated him for being a douche too.  Smart move by Corinne to preemptively frame the story in a way that makes her look more mature so that when Taylor or whoever comes running to him teary-eyed about how immature she is he’ll be skeptical.  That is the kind of strategic thinking you pick up working for the mob.

Kristina gets the group date rose, pissing Corinne off even more.

-Raven gets the final one on one of the week.

Nick says they are going on a “realistic” date of things he does when he visits his hometown. They go to watch practice with his younger sister’s soccer team. In any of Nick’s previous appearances have we explored why he has a sister that is 30 years younger than him? Raven meets Nick’s parents and fails to ask them that question.

Then they go to a roller rink and Raven and Nick’s sister really seem to bond. She also reveals that she wasn’t allowed to watch Bachelor in Paradise, showing that Nick’s parents are going to raise at least one normal kid.

Later, they discuss past relationships and Raven reveals that her last relationship ended with her hearing that her boyfriend was at a bar with another woman, following them home, literally walking in on them having sex, and then trying to kick their asses. This is the most Arkansas story ever.

arkansas

In a proud moment for LGBT rights, they then go rollerblading. Raven gets the rose.

-At the cocktail party, the tension between Corinne and Taylor finally boils over.  Corinne pulls Taylor aside to tell her she’s upset with her for talking about her behind her back.  Taylor says she doesn’t think Corinne is mature enough to be in a committed relationship with Nick.  Taylor sounds like someone fresh out of grad school because she is talking down to Corinne hard about how she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to date Nick.  Yes, the 23 year old who just finished grad school is lecturing about how Corinne doesn’t live in the real world.  Corinne doesn’t appreciate being condescended to and yells about her multi-million dollar business, proving Taylor’s points.  Corinne says she “can’t even” and that she wants to punch Taylor in the face.  And we get a cliffhanger.

Running “right reasons” tally:  4

You’re dead if you drank every time……Danielle’s breasts popped out of her shirt on her date.

shocked_owl

The person at ABC who ads the blur to appease the censors earned their pay this week.

POWER RANKINGS

taylor

6. Taylor (Emotional Maturity, 23)

What do I have in common with a cow?  Taylor rubbed me the wrong way this week.  Early on she seemed like she was smart enough to stay out of the petty bickering, but now she’s a main proponent of it.  It’s fine that she thinks she’s better than Corinne, but the condescending lectures were a little much.

raven

5.  Raven (Bobby Petrino, 25)

Raven got a bit of a raw deal in that instead of her date being something awesome it was mostly hanging out with Nick’s family.  But I think it worked in her favor because she is one of the more genuine contestants. Anyone who describes her ex-boyfriend’s lover’s vagina on national TV is clearly holding nothing back.

danielle-l

4.  Danielle L (Small business owner, 27)

Danielle, Nick, and Danielle’s rack all have great physical chemistry.  But despite that I didn’t see much of a connection.  That having been said, she’s still ahead of most of the pack.

rachel

3.  Rachel (Attorney, 31)

Rachel hasn’t been getting a ton of one on one time but I rank her highly still because she is doing what Taylor has failed to do- stay above the fray.  When all the bickering started breaking out between Corinne and the others, she just sat there with a look on her face like “wtf is going on?”  And I think Nick will appreciate that.  Or hate it because he’s a reality TV person and wants drama.  Who knows.

vanessa

2.  Vanessa (Special Education Teacher, 29)

Vanessa is starting to settle into frontrunner territory.  She confidently told Nick that he doesn’t like that he’s fucking around (literally?) with Corinne and thinks it’s disrespectful to her and the other women.  And I think Nick likes to be bossed around.  Or he hates it.  Who knows.

corrine

1.  Corrine (Poor circulation, 24)

Apologies to Giannis, but Corinne is the real Greek freak.  She continued to troll the other women successfully, got to make out more with Nick, and even got out of shoveling cow shit by pretending her hands hurt.  Eventually this star is going to go supernova, but for now let’s enjoy the ride.

BOLD PREDICTION: Taylor vs.Corinne two-on-one date next week.  America needs this.

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