We pick up this week after our second Taylor and Corrine related cliffhanger.
Taylor uses her grad school education to trick the producers into dropping her off where Nick and Corrine are having their date. Taylor tells Nick that Corrine was “flat out lied to,” but never once elaborates on what Corrine lied about beyond saying that she never called Corrine stupid. Which is technically true, but she called her every synonym of the word stupid. A distinction without a difference in my opinion. And then she leaves. That, like Corrine, was stupid.
After another rose ceremony where nobody important goes home, the show picks up to go to St. Thomas in the US Virgin Islands.
Unlike most US territories, the islands of the Virgin Islands that are owned by the US were not conquered as part of a war. Rather they were bought straight up during World War I because the US wanted to prevent Germany from gaining influence in the Caribbean. The origin of the name “Virgin Islands” is actually of some debate among historians. Some attribute it to Christopher Columbus, who supposedly visited the island archipelago in 1493 and named it after the legend of Saint Ursula and the 11,000 virgins. Others believe the islands got their name after Becca visited a few seasons ago. We may never know.
-Kristina gets the first one on one. Kristina was one of three women remaining who had yet to get a one on one, so she is really excited. They get on a seaplane and go on a flyin’ around date.
Kristina was adopted from Russia and has 8 siblings in America but is in contact with her sister back in Russia, so she really has 9 siblings. Is it bad that the first thing I thought when she said she has 8 siblings here in America is what a bitch that would be come Christmas time? She tells Nick that she grew up very poor in Russia to the point where her family was literally starving. Not starving like me after I eat some nachos and think that I could go for some more nachos but I decided to share the nachos so there are no nachos left and I’m still a little hungry. Starving like you will die soon starving. She ran away from home because her mom threw her out for eating food ( that is literally what she said). She was in an orphanage for 8 years and was adopted when she was 12, close to the age where they throw kids out of the orphanage to be Russian street rats.
She described the mixed emotions where she was happy to be adopted but it was difficult leaving behind the other children at the orphanage that she grew up with and she considered family. This is way too serious and deep for a show like this and a guy like Nick.
Nick said that before the date Kristina had been a little reserved and demure and he was hoping to see her true colors, and tonight she showed that her true colors are as bright as those on the Russian flag, so she gets the rose.
-Jasmine, one of the two women left who hasn’t had a one on one date, is starting to lose her mind about it. She breaks down into tears shortly after Kristina’s date begins. If you’re crying in St. Thomas and it’s NOT because you just witnessed the birth a sea turtle, well, something is wrong.
The group date is Nick and 6 ladies, including Jasmine. So Jasmine is on yet another group date and is NOT happy. Let’s see how this plays out.
Nick is taking them on a CATAMARAN!
They catamaran to a private beach where they play cornhole (a game not frequently played on the VIRGIN islands, haha, right?) and beach volleyball.
The volleyball game gets a little too intense and literally every girl is in tears by the end of it. It could be because they are all feeling the pressure of having to compete for Nick or it could be because they all took several shots of tequila beforehand. Probably both. Lesson learned: when you have a catamaran date, you stay on the fucking catamaran. Also maybe go easy on the tequila. If any of you are wondering what Bachelor in Paradise is like, that sequence where they played volleyball for a few minutes before the game devolved into drunken crying and fighting was a nice preview.
Jasmine finally gets one on one time with Nick later and confronts him about her lack of one on one time. She says it’s hard not to be hurt when she is always passed up for one on one dates. She says that the feelings she has for him make her feel like she would go through this process all over again even though she also is mad at him for not paying attention to her. She also is still clearly feeling the tequila because Nick was kind of agreeing with her early on, but she continues to elaborate and describes to him in great detail how she thinks about choking him and beating him up for ignoring her and suddenly Nick doesn’t seem very impressed. Nick tells her to go home where she can choke whoever she wants.
Raven got the group date rose, but it was overshadowed by how every other person on the date felt miserable about the day.
-So to cheer everyone up, it’s time for a two on one date!
Danielle L (the one with the boobs) vs. Whitney. Why? Nick and Danielle have seemed to get along great on every date where she exposes her breasts. Whitney has said only 3-4 words this entire season. Not sure why these two are clashing in a Thunderdome. This is confusing and logically inconsistent, so unlike the third Mad Max movie I keep referencing with that Thunderdome picture.
You can tell that Danielle thinks she is much better than Nick and is angry that she has to even compete for his affection. But she hides it well and tells Nick she’s developed strong feelings for him. Nick immediately sends Whitney home. America shrugged because Whitney has been more anonymous than Jasmine during this whole process. Whitney says she doesn’t think Danielle is ready for a relationship and America again shrugs because this is the first time Whitney has said anything on camera. Danielle tells Nick she is falling in love with him. Nick sends her home too. He acts upset about it, but something is amiss here. I think he caught her attitude that she thinks she’s better than him and is just using him to get famous. It only took him 8 seasons of being on this show to catch on. I still thought he would keep her around for fantasy suite purposes if nothing else. Credit to Nick for actually culling the herd this week and not just keeping girls around because the producers want spots to fill or because he wants to fill THEIR spots ifyaknowwhatimsaying.
-The show ends with Nick stopping by the ladies’ hotel room. He tearfully, VERY tearfully, explains why he sent both women home on the 2 on 1. He tells them he’s afraid that other relationships he has are going to fall flat in the same way that his relationship with Danielle (boobs) fell flat. He says he doesn’t know if he can keep doing this. Nick sounding exactly like Jasmine, which leads me to believe that Nick also needs to lay off the tequila. Episode ends there because of course it does.
Running “right reasons” tally: 8
You’re dead if you drank every time……they drank on the group date. I mean, I get it. You’re on a catamaran date in the Caribbean, of course you’re going to drink. But good God they were hammered before they even got to take the tour of the catamaran!
6. Danielle (Neonatal nurse, 31)
Epic week for Danielle as she was able to dispatch the other Danielle and thus drop the initial from her name. With no more Danielles in her way, the sky is the limit.
5. Raven (Arkansas, 25)
Big for Raven to get the group date rose on the Worst Group Date Ever, but I think Nick saying that he’s questioning his feelings for women who have strong feelings for him could be a bad omen for her.
4. Kristina (Dental Hygienist, 24)
Kristina got the rose, but on their date Nick kept using words like “admire” when talking about her, which I think doesn’t denote great romantic chemistry. Nick isn’t going to want to show his dick to someone he admires. Kristina has had a tough life, don’t subject her to much more of this, Nick.
3. Vanessa (Special Education teacher, 29)
Vanessa has been mostly laying low but I think now that the field is narrowing she is going to start trying to pull her power move and really establish herself as a frontrunner.
2. Rachel (Attorney, 31)
Rachel got drunk and pouty like everyone else on the group date but she still managed to not be as dramatic as most of the others. That’s a great skill to have in real life, but we’ll see how it translates to this show.
1. Corrine (“Business owner,” 24)
Corrine found herself a nanny within minutes of being in St. Thomas. The king stay the king.
BOLD PREDICTION: Nick has finally separated the wheat from the chaff. All of the women left are ones the ones who seemed like the contenders pretty much from the get-go. But Nick might be dropping women too fast for the producers. Next week I bet he lets everyone stay.