The show resumes with Nick still lurking in the house after sending Kristina back to the streets.
Nick reveals what we already knew- because there are only four women left, they all get roses, all get hometown dates. Woo.
Scenic Hoxie, Arkansas is featured first.
Interesting fact: Hoxie is notable for being in the middle of nowhere even by Arkansas standards. Meaning it is one of the most remote places on the planet.
Raven welcomes Nick by arriving on an Arkansas catamaran- aka a four wheeler. Raven tells Nick that deep conversations in Hoxie are always held at the top of grain bins. As they climb to the top of some farmer’s grain that is probably worth millions of dollars, a police officer arrives. I’ve been to bachelorette parties where this exact thing happens. It’s revealed that the cop is Raven’s brother, and they are off the hook. Typical of the justice system in the rural south.
They go muddin’ on the four wheelers and make out in the muddy swamp, which I’m sure lead to lots of infections and parasites but did look pretty hot.
Nick arrives at Raven’s household. Her dad has a STRONG mustache. Raven had previously discussed that her dad has been treated for lung cancer and they reveal to Raven that he has miraculously been declared to be cancer free. So she has cried through her make up before they even got to dinner.
Nick makes a good impression on Raven’s dad and asks him if he’d be ok giving his blessing if Raven ends up winning. Raven’s dad says aw shucks and says he thinks he could be ok with his daughter getting married on a reality show. Raven chickened out on telling Nick how much she loved him, but I think that date went as well as Luke Bryan songs lead me to believe things should go.
Rachel is from Dallas, Texas.
Interesting fact: Dallas is notable for being the place where Chris Harrison orchestrated the murder of John F. Kennedy.
Rachel takes Nick to her church and it is a certified miracle that lightning didn’t strike him upon entering the chapel.
Rachel informs Nick that her father the federal judge couldn’t be present, and Nick pretends to be disappointed.
Rachel’s family enjoys poking fun at each other, and Nick tries to play along by mostly just making fun of Rachel. It’s an obvious move because you know her family is disappointed with her for seeking love on a reality show, so they’re receptive to criticism of her. Rachel is the next bachelorette so watching this is a pretty pointless exercise and I tuned out.
Corrine is from Miami.
Interesting fact: Miami is where Chris Harrison orchestrated the kidnapping of Miami Dolphins mascot Snowflake, who had to be saved by an intrepid pet detective.
Miami has world class beaches, an incredible nightlife scene, unique restaurants, and historical sites that Corrine could show to Nick, I wonder what she’ll decide on? Oh, she’s taking him to a mall. Corrine says it is an “exclusive” mall, so I guess that’s something. Corrine seems to spend more money than this show spends on liquor and Chris Harrison’s travel expenses. Nick is realizing that mafia heiresses have expensive taste.
Prior to meeting Corrine’s parents, Corrine tells Nick that she has fallen in love with him. It must have been watching him pay $800 for sweatpants that put her over the edge.
Corrine’s dad’s mustache rating: D-.
Corrine tells her dad that she’s serious about Nick and she loves Nick because he sees things in her that no one else sees. Like emotional maturity. Corrine’s dad tells Nick he’s worried that Nick can’t support Corrine. Her mom is worried that she is confusing the fantasy of a TV show with reality. Who would have guessed Corrine has such smart parents?
“I think Corrine is the lid to Nick’s pot.”- Corrine’s dad. Is that a common saying? Or was that just a reference to Corrine’s dad’s drug smuggling empire? Nick gets some buy-in from Corrine’s parents and her nanny. By Corrine standards I think that went well.
Finally we go to Montreal for Vanessa’s hometown date.
Interesting fact: Montreal has one of the lowest crime rates in the world, likely because Chris Harrison has never visited.
Vanessa, like Corrine, also wants to show Nick “a day in the life.” Unlike Corrine, for Vanessa that doesn’t mean shopping but instead means taking Nick to meet the special needs students she works with. They help Nick make a scrapbook of Nick and Vanessa’s memories on the show.
Vanessa takes Nick to her mom’s side of the family first. There are 15 people there and lots of Italian words being shouted. Vanessa’s mom and her side of the family is skeptical of the fact that they have not talked about where they are going to live after the show is over. They’re also skeptical that Nick doesn’t have a job. They all remark on how smart and grounded Vanessa is and how alarming it is that she doesn’t seem to have thought any of this through. Vanessa calls them “overprotective” but I think that is actually just called “Canadian common sense”
They then go to meet her mustacheless dad. Both of Vanessa’s parents ask Nick what interests him about their daughter and he basically tells both of them that it’s her looks. Vanessa’s dad says he can’t give his blessing when Nick asks because he knows Nick asked three other dads, but then does a 180 and says he’ll give Nick his blessing. Vanessa, though, is upset that Nick asked all of the other parents. She feels it isn’t meaningful when you ask 4 sets of parents for their blessing, and she’s got a point. It’s shaken Vanessa’s confidence in her own relationship with Nick.
-After Vanessa’s date, the show shifts to Brooklyn for the rose ceremony. Amazing with all the travel bans going on that Nick is allowed back in the country. Nick is contemplating his decision when Andi appears at his door and we get a cliffhanger. This is bullshit even by the low standards of this show.
Running “right reasons” tally: Still at 8 but Andi’s convo with Nick next week could give us a boost.
You’re dead if you drank every time……Nick pussyfooted around asking for parental blessing.
4. Rachel (Bachelorette, 31)
Not a bad date but, again, she is the next bachelorette so you know this isn’t ending well for her.
3. Corrine (Breadwinner, 23)
Corrine was still Corrine, but I think Nick is finally getting tired of the shtick. He’ll probably keep her around for the platinum vagine in the fantasy suite, but I think she’s done. I hope she and her nanny come to Bachelor in Paradise where they belong.
2. Vanessa (Special education teacher, 29)
I think it’s a two-woman race right now, and Vanessa is just slightly behind because her parents talked some common sense into her about Nick not having a job.
1. Raven (Grain bin, 25)
Nick liked seeing Raven in her element (mud and grain bins), liked her family, and likes that she won’t want to move to Hoxie.
BOLD PREDICTION: Nick is no stranger to fantasy suites and fantasy suite letdowns. I think he’ll be stingy and send someone home prior to the fantasy suite rather than going for the trifecta.