Hey Loserians! Had one too many Skinny Girl margaritas last night, so reviews were not on the table. We had quite an adventurous 2 weeks of weight loss, and we’ve had some great celebrity appearances to keep our Losers inspired.
Ladies.
Let’s catch up on our meaty prizes.
Week 3 Summary
Challenge: Football Toss
Drew Brees, Tony Gonzalez, Clay Matthews, and Clay Matthews’s neck join contestants for the first challenge. Our former NFL player Antone (44) struggled with the fact that three NFL stars were there. Glad those labor talks worked out or that might’ve been the most football I watched last week (it was).
No wonder he gets voted to the Pro Bowl every year. <333
Jennifer (39) had another visit with Dr. H., and learned that a stress fracture would force her to work out one-legged, which is one-legged more than her workouts had been three weeks earlier. Age groups competed in a 4 Quarters challenge – Middle Ages burned more than 1150 calories per person, crushing the competition. Their prize was a spa trip, which Bob turned down. Completely reasonable for people that just burned that many calories in one hour, right? Right?
I see you taking my prize to the spa I earned, and I'm like, "**** you".
For the last chance workout, contestants were joined by former Terp/star linebacker Shawn Merriman, HOFer Eric Dickerson (looking great at 50), and third-string-turned starting QB Tim Tebow. Vinny (27) revealed that he was a victim of abuse during his childhood (no jokes to follow). Bonnie (63) gave an proud, tear-soaked response after losing 7 pounds, which was the least that anybody lost this week. Bonnie might just be the Tim Tebow of this show.
More of a giver than a receiver.
Week 4:
Contestants met former players for inspiration: Hannah (Season 11), Adam (Season 10), and Marci (Season 11) all make appearances. The Young Jeezys are forced to carried sandbags up a mountain, and Ramon (27) shoulders the burden for the entire 5 miles, or as he described it, “take Patrick’s load”. Awesome.
Courtney (24) has an emotional breakthrough. WTF, I had no clue a girl named Courtney was even on the show. Joe (46) admitted to cheating on his family with fast food, to which Bob recommended that Joe love himself…unconditionally. Hey, it’s just one of those episodes. Bonnie walked at a 3.3mph pace, a tremendous physical achievement for her, which of course spurned tears.
Holy Tebow, why won't you just leave?
Courtney got some additional face time in a 1-on-1 basketball game with Dolvett, missing and making a few shots. Immediately after the segment, several WNBA teams offered her on the spot.
Challenge: Letters from Home Toss
Teams had to pass a box containing letters from home along a course that includes sun, wind, rain, and snow (The US Postal Service just tweeted #smh). Of course, The Middle Ages won again (c’mon, this is nearly as boring as a Biggest Loser recap). In a slight change-up, video chats with family were awarded. Real awkward for the letters.
Shameless Plug: Jennie-O ground turkey.
Ground up, to allow for easy spooning into peppers and out of anuses.
Meat:
Looks like we have some well-seasoned meat on the spit. Becky (51) remained spunky and upbeat, showing off a sweet smile after her workouts. Ramon (27), though, showed the most improvement, rocking a bodacious neckbeard and winning over the audience with a mix of tears and chubby cheeks. My two favorites for the Most Hot Sex looking until next Tuesday.
TTYL Guys: Patrick (Week 3), Coach Mike (Week 4)
Hope to see you guys for next week’s rundown. I expect some gameplay and big numbers, and I’m not just talking about my next trip to the bathroom.
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