Author Archives: outspokenslacktivist
What Would This NFL Player Be If He Wasn’t in the NFL? The Hot New Game That’s Sweeping the Apartment I Live In.
I feel badly about it, but I do my part to fulfill gender stereotypes. I am hopelessly bad at math, I stare blankly at people when they give me directions that use words like “east” or “south,” and my running … Continue reading
The Ten Kinds of Yelp Reviewers
Every time I go to Yelp to find a restaurant, car place or prison (article highlight: “They have juice boxes! If you’re going to get arrested, do it in Arlington County.”), I always come to the same conclusion. I always … Continue reading
Five Things Gay Marriage Is Not (Alternate Title: I cannot believe we’re still having this conversation)
Seriously? Seriously? Seriously. Today, a day in 2013, when we have 3D printers and Higgs boson particles and our phones are basically computers, people are still suggesting that allowing gay adults to marry each other will lead to polygamy, pedophilia … Continue reading
Guest Post: How to Bluff Your Way Through March Madness Brackets
The following sage advice was written by my friend Dan for people like me, who don’t know anything about college basketball and therefore don’t understand what anyone is talking about for the month of March. It’s that time of year … Continue reading
A Note to My Republican Friends from Someone Who Understands
Hey guys, I know you’re a little bummed. So let’s start things out by looking at two sloths eating a single green bean. Cute, right? Feel a little better? Good. I know last night was rough for you. And I … Continue reading
The Ten Most Dramatic Tweets About the Packers/Seahawks Game
Last night, the replacement refs made a controversial call. Depending on who you talk to, it was either the right call based on the simultaneous possession rule, or a legally blind ref murdered Aaron Rodgers’ mother. It’s all a matter … Continue reading
I’m beginning to think Todd Akin and his wife don’t actually know what “rape” is.
Republican National Convention Drinking Game
Can you guys believe that the presidential election technically starts this week? Doesn’t it feel like it has been going on forever? And there are still months more of this? Does anyone else need a drink?
Eight Things About Your Cover Letter or Resume that Will Not Get You This Job
Hi all. Remember me? I used to write posts for this blog pretty regularly. But about a month ago I got promoted at work, which was awesome. And then I got really, really busy at work, which was less awesome. … Continue reading
The Five Worst Things the First World Has Created
As society has evolved, we have gradually developed ways to meet our most basic needs. As we do, we create new needs in order to employ the many millions of people who are now no longer needed to literally hunt … Continue reading
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